Friday, January 05, 2007

And why the sea is boiling hot....

Awake in the three's again, and I forced myself to lay there until four. I don't know why I am waking so early, I did this all my life, but about a year ago, it stopped, and I could sleep until at least five, now I am back to this. It isn't such a bad thing, I personally hate sleeping, I think it's a huge waste of time. If I could go without, I would in a heartbeat. Waking up this early makes me feel like I am stealing time, but the problem is, I am SO damned tired at night.

I managed to get home at the regular time last night, the update took about three hours. All things were working when I left, hopefully it will all still be operating when I arrive this morning. There's nothing like walking into work and finding that the whole computer system has taken a shit, it has happened on many occasions. Hopefully, not today, that is more of a first thing on a Monday morning kind of problem, not a Friday.

I am starving this morning. I started a diet this past Tuesday, the new year and all, and i have done quite well. But this morning, I am really hungry. I have let me diet and my body get way out of hand, it's way more than time to get back in line with the way I have lived for the past 15 years. I have managed to walk the past couple of days, that can be hard to do with my health problems, I never know if I am making the current situation worse, or if I am helping it. I should be back where I want to be in a few weeks. I lose weight pretty quickly, and I generally get pretty obsessed with it. Like most things in this life that I do, I go overboard. I like being really skinny, but at my age, it doesn't look good on the face. I have even given up the brown bottles, not for good, heavens no, but i think I should cut back to drinking one or two days a week. I thought I would miss it, but i really haven't noticed. Tonight will be a drinking night, I say that like I am a real alcoholic, at the most, I maybe have four. And that's only if I am out, at home, I never have more than two. I want to fit in my really tiny size four jeans, and that may not be possible, I am now wearing six's and eights, no one thinks I am fat but me, but I FEEL fat. It's easier to do things when I am really thin. ninety-five percent of the time, I wear baggy clothes that hides EVERYTHING, but I don't feel good about myself when I do dress like a girl. I can't do it often, Owner (and friend) at work, won't leave me alone, he WILL not quit looking and commenting on my body and the various parts that he would like to have his way with, so I quit dressing like a woman years ago on the job. I am not a slob at all, but I very carefully conceal most things that stick out, no cleavage, no legs, no butt. It's a good thing that I love him or I would have to kill him. Or sue him. Sexual harassment is the new thing. I am only joking, I wouldn't do that, he really is my friend, but it does get old and it makes me self-conscious, so I just don't put myself in that position.

I am feeling better, worn out, in pain, but really better. The new inflammation medication that the dr gave me must be working. I hurt because I have been walking, but that is to be expected. I would probably hurt anyway, so this gives me a reason, and it may be helping, I don't think it could be hurting. I am looking forward to the bicycle that we are going to buy, although I don't know when we are going to get around to it. H has been quite busy, he has been working with me at the garage all week. He leaves for Florida to pick up a car next week, and the wallpaper is ever beckoning him.

GF will be in today, she and YS will stay here with us tonight. I am hoping to be able to go out tonight, but in reality, it probably won't happen. H has inventory early in the am. Maybe tomorrow night. In any event, my stomach is calling me to the kitchen. Talk more later!

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