Thursday, December 21, 2006

The best decision I ever made

Or maybe it was a decision that I had made for me. Either way, it was perfect for me, for us.

To my Husband: What can be said that i have not told you in the past? When I met you, it was fun, good times. Alot of laughs and excitement. Just what I wanted, fun, with no strings attached. No headaches, and certainly no heartaches. Except, we found that we could not part, could barely be without each other for a couple of days at a time. What the hell was that? Where did that come from? Ours was an easy-going, good time relationship. We had no future together, you were way too young (only 5 actual years, but lifetimes apart in real experience), certainly NOT the marrying kind. I was way too old for you, a mother with THREE KIDS, a life long relationship behind me, to take me on was taking on WAY more than you ever bargained for. How could it possibly be that WE were meant to be together? Even after we decided to marry I honestly didn't believe that we would be able to put this funny conglomeration of people in the same house and make it work. I really was unsure that I could let my heart take a risk like marriage again. I seriously expected you to back out on the "I DO" part, and would have welcomed it back then. I know that i was WAY more afraid than you, which today I find really funny, because I still believe that you should have turned and ran. Very fast, away from what I know has been a life of hard times, and pain, and tough breaks, and oh Lord, you know I am a handful. But thank you, thank you for NOT doing that. Because we would have missed out on a life of magic, and fun, and a closeness that I never, ever thought that i could have or even want in my life again. It's comical because you are the younger one, the most inexperienced one, and you have taught ME how to really love, how to really trust. You have been a perfect example of a man. To me, to my kids. You taught them that responsibility and commitment is real. To this day, all these years later, at times I still think it would be better for you if you just ran, but I thank you for not doing that. Thank you for loving me, for putting up with me, for always being there for me to lean on, and heaven knows I have needed to do that. I'm not sure who really made the decision that we would really GET MARRIED, I know I could have and would have backed out had you uttered even one word of doubt, and you have told me that you knew that back then. So if it was you, or if it was God, it certainly was right. I love you Mark. Such a short, simple sentence, but it speaks volumes about a lifetime together. Always, me.

1 comment:

SOUL: said...

hey jamie... this is the first time i've come back this far on your blog. not sure why. well, ya i am..cuz i'm blind, and don't read a whole lot. maybe. maybe not. but regardless...look where i am.
i may, or may not post on other earlier posts...especially year old posts....or am i off a bit.. can you tell i am exhausted? i haven't even taken any meds yet. just tired.
ok.. anyhow...
again.. do me a favor. ok? i have read a few posts when you have mentioned your hubby. i never heard you mention his name. mark. nice. jamie and mark.
jamie i sound like i'm screwin around, but i'm not. i understand. maybe that's what i want to say. i see so much of myself in this post. how hubby taught me about trust...and men... and loyalty. and not being left. i always get left jamie. i always get screwed in the end. hubby has had many an opportunity to leave me. many a reason, and many a legal leg to stand on in court to take my daughter... so much so..i wouldn't even even try to fight. but he has never even said he wanted to leave.
i have. once or twice. maybe more.
but i bet i never will. and i couldn't have given a better reason why, than you did right here.
thanks for reminding me...i hope it's still there for you too.