Thursday, November 16, 2006
I am LUCKY
I have had few NORMAL relationships in my life. Very few. One, actually. That would be the one that I have with my husband of 10 years. (Ten years-where has the time gone? ) I feel very blessed and quite lucky to have it, you see. I really did not believe that there was such a thing, honestly. I don't know that I had ever seen one, I certainly never had lived one. I grew up with very abnormal, my own father/mother, and then the stepfather/mother (that one i thought was normal when I was a child, I have since decided that it was not). My first love-real love-turned out to be married already-naive? who me? My second love, the love of my life actually, was my husband of 14 years, the father of my three beautiful children. Normal?--no way. He was considerably older than me, 11 years, and he meant EVERYTHING to me. He was controlling, domineering, overbearing, tempermental and wonderful, all in one. He exhausted me daily. I loved him more than life itself, and I would still be with him today, had he not left me. That sounds like a negative, like I am sad about the breakup, and the truth is that I am not. At the time, however, I was devastated. I truly thought that I might die of a broken heart, and would have except he left me with three equally devastated kids. I didn't grow up until that period in my life, and while I look at that now as a positive, I don't recommend doing it that way. In time, after a really, really STUPID relationship with an idiot that i was determined was going to work, (in retrospect-i think i had the two mixed up in my mind, ex-husband and new stupid boyfriend), I met my now-husband. Is he normal? that is almost funny, as he is absolutely, definitely NOT normal. He is wonderful, sweet, funny, irritating, passionate, kind, honest...should I go on? I would NEVER have chosen him as my future husband-never in a million years. He is five years YOUNGER than me, that certainly was not my style. He looked like a little kid, like one of my little kids. He was adorable-funny, cute. Never been in a serious relationship in his life, was not looking for one. I seriously was not, either. I was never going to let my heart get involved again-never. And he was a good bet that would not happen. He was, in short, NOT my style. At all. And here we are. He loves me, he would have to. He has put up with me and my kids for the past twelve years. And that's saying alot. ALOT. I can be a pretty tough woman. I will have things my way. MY things, let me say, not all things. But I will do what I want, when I want. I ask little if anything from him. He asks nothing or little of me. We both just do as we please, when we please. But WE BOTH PLEASE TO DO IT TOGETHER. ALWAYS. No games, no fights, nothing. We are just happy to be together, most all if not all of the time. To me, that is sane and normal. I love him. ALL THE TIME. I am lucky.