I am a real fan of LOL cats, I get them each day in an email, and they honest-to-goodness make me laugh out loud, each and every day.It seems there isn't enough of that happening from me otherwise, I was told yesterday by someone that matters that I am not happy, not a happy person, I never look happy. I have thought about that alot since then. Perhaps that person is right. I guess I am all wrapped up in the negative, not generally my own, but the negative of those that I love. And to be quite honest, there are some things in my own life that require some frowns...and I am working on those. I guess my only answer is that I don't know how to NOT let the problems of my children get me down, the bigger the problem, the bigger the frown. What I find so funny is that while everyone expects me to have all the answers, no one expects that perhaps the issues will weigh on me. Why is that not allowed from me? I am generally the person of choice to spill the problems to and that part seems normal to me, but how can that not affect me? Like a wise-old-sister once told me..."they call and ruin your day. Within hours, their lives are perfectly fine. Yours on the other hand is a mess..." So much truth in that. While she was speaking of general-run-of-the-mill stupid daily crap, the rule still applies to the problems that now weigh me down, and these are of a more serious nature. And because they are, the frown lines grow deeper. Am I happy? Seriously, yes. At least I am beyond the recent troubles. And they will get better, with required work and effort---not necessarily the work that I can do, but he work of those involved. Yes, I am a mess right now, but the Pollyanna in me tells me that it will all work out. Any issue, under a microscope will look too large. Put in perspective, things even out a little. And we have been under a microscope for far too long now. The things that I consider a blessing in life, are not considered the same to the interested parties, so I am thrown off a little. I'm not too sure of my role right now...and I am left floundering around, wondering just what to do. This is a place I am not familiar with, my life has been easily mapped and I always know my place in it. In relation to recent issues, it's not so easy---although let me assure you, pushed hard enough, taken far enough, I can and WILL take the reins. Anytime the safety of this person - or any other person this close to me - is threatened, after given enough time to save one's self, then I can and will take over. But I feel certain that will not be the case here. I see progress and feel hope, even if I am standing on that island alone. All I have to offer you is me---and while you seem to underestimate the value of that, I feel certain that one day you will understand. For the rest of you, I do apologize. This is a note to a certain person, and I have brought you all in just enough to confuse you. Enough said...
Today is work at home day. I am so far behind in the books and business end of my life it isn't even funny. I must get some order in that part of my life before I lose it. I do have to travel to what will soon be one of my offices-as I will be working for the insurance company I had hoped to, and there I have to pick up the study material that I need for the other dreaded state tests I am required to take. So, welcome me BACK to the world of studying and freaking out about yet another state test. Oh the joys of my life...but I am happy to be getting back to work soon. Not that I haven't been working...yesterday, my middle kiddo and I worked for several hours on the ICS --- and still have more to do, tomorrow.
My place is really beginning to look good, I am anxious to get the rest of my furniture on Friday - at least I hope it's Friday, these days, it's best NOT to plan on anything. I still have things to hang on the walls, and other things on the walls that need moved - I have pics hanging behind things now...that is a nice look, lol.
Happy Wednesday to each of you. Later.
