Sunday, May 04, 2014

Still crazy, after all these years

As weeks go, this one has been stellar --- if you can use that word in a negative way. I have had a stellar-ly awful week. In bed for the most part - which isn't really usual, at least not for this long of a stretch. To be fair, I really should have expected it because the week before, the week that I decided to start writing here again, I was doing pretty well. I was up and about, actually able to get out of these four walls at least once each day. In my world, that is a big, BIG win. So, to have to suffer more than usual all the next week is not all that unexpected. My world consists of choices and bargains. If I choose to spend energy and ability on this thing, then I won't have either energy or ability to do that. It is a system that I have become used to and can usually manage, but that is not to be confused with "I'm okay with it". I am not okay with any of it, not that it does me any good. So --- you work with what God gave ya.  Bleh.

One really huge - good thing did happen. My pain management doctor, who has been in deep do-do for the past two long years, was acquitted of all charges in his trial. If you want to read about the case you can find the information here. The whole case from the very beginning was a witch hunt. None of it would have happened had one of his patients not been Paul Gray from the band Slipknot. I has been seeing him for just over two years and I thought he was a great doctor. My sister had been seeing him for almost twenty years. I don't know what really happened with any of those people that died, only they and the doctor really know the truth. But I do know for a fact that there was no malicious behavior from Dr B, and I know for certain that no doctor should be held up in a court of law on murder charges. I was afraid for the doctor himself, obviously, in this mess, but I was also afraid for the future of medicine in many different ways if he was found guilty. The whole idea of criminal charges being pinned on any doctor where suicide is involved is scary and could change the outlook of medical care. I'm not sure that this hasn't already left a scar of some kind in that area but it's not nearly as bad as a GUILTY verdict would have been. A very, very slippery slope, one that needs to be avoided at all costs. So --- I was waiting impatiently for a verdict and I really believed if they were going to acquit, it would happen within the first day of deliberation. Once the second day got under way, I began to get nervous about all of it. It took two full days for the jury to decide. One last mention from me--I am sad for the doctor because his life is ruined, or nearly so, even with the not guilty decision. I really don't see how he can return to practice after this. I know that financially, his life is a mess. I would also think that it would be difficult to try and come back to where he once was, given what many have had to say about him. True or not, charges of this nature ruins you long before the trial. It just makes me sad for him, and sad for many who depended on him.Once the charges were filed two years ago, many were left without any kind of pain care, and those who still could find it have been treated by doctors that are scared to have anything to do with pain medications. So, I guess you could say that it already did change the way medicine is practiced, and not in a good way. But, enough of that.

I have written all I can for now. I'm having so much trouble with so many things and I just can't write anymore. I will honestly try- Jose - to get back here more this week. I did get to read many of your blogs again, and I have many of them bookmarked, so I shouldn't lose any of you again.  :)

Much love and big hugs. I'm out.


Josie Two Shoes said...

Oh My Dear, Sweet Jamie! I will be happy if you manage to type a few lines even once a week, please don't let blogging add to the pressure about what you can't get done. We just want to keep up with you! I am sorry it was a truly crappy week in a life of hard ones right now. I'm praying that one day this will be different. I believe in miracles! I was delighted to see you out and about a bit, connecting is so important, it's easy to isolate when life hurts.

As one who sees clients everyday with situations very much like yours, I can attest to the nightmare that pain management has become. Doctors, even pain doctors are so wary of abuse and charges of negligence that they opt for the other extreme of under-treating or refusing to treat those in desperate need.

Case in point... a woman who opted to not take her pain meds for two weeks during her daughter's wedding because she wanted to be awake and alert, though it was so very painful for her to do it. So her next lab tests showed very low residual levels of pain medication, and the doctor refused to see her or prescribe for her in the future, even though she could show him the extra pain meds, so obviously wasn't selling them. One more blow. There has to be some balance somewhere.

I'm glad your doctor was aquitted, while we know there have been "doctors to the stars" who abused normal prescription levels, I think it's wrong to assume that anyone can be responsible for another person's choice to commit suicide. If they are determined, they will find a way regardless. A doctor cannot forsee or prevent that.

You take care, hug those furkids tight, and remember how very much we care about you. Praying for a kinder, gentler week ahead! OXOX

Steve Finnell said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Josie Two Shoes said...

Ugh! Spam disguising itself as Christianity, how twisted is that?

Lena said...

Hi Jamie!

I was so excited to see you leave a comment on my blog!! I think about you often and have been checking to see if you post.

Yes, adjusting your life to cater to the pain thrush hold has got to be so difficult. So sorry that you are suffering so, but you seem to do your best to rise to the challenge!

I am going to go back and read about your doctor. Amazing story and so very sad all around for everyone!

Hope to hear from you again soon!
hugs old friend, Lena

Lena said...

PS so glad you were moved by my post! It was the most intense experience we have ever had! So glad my husband was with me or no one would believe me!

I LOVE being a grandmother!!!!

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...


Josie Two Shoes said...

Hello Sweet Jamie! How's your week goin'? Hopefully a little warmth up there at last? I found out today that we're going to have a new great-grandbaby in the family. Awesome news, except they live far away, as do the other two. I thought of you then, surrounded by those sweet little cherub faces, and for sure that's one priceless blessing God has granted to help you smile a bit!
oxox, Josie <3

SOUL said...

Just swingin by to say hi, i am thinkin bout ya... And Happy Mothers Day.
Hugs to you