While I usually take the high-road because I suppose I am just that type of person, I don't feel like it here. I am whining and you all don't have to read if you would rather not. Yes, there certainly are others who have it so much worse than I. I do what I can for those folks. But I am pissed off at so many things right now. I have been this way for days and I have got to get a few things off my chest.
Life is getting me down for various reasons, so let's just name a few here, shall we?
The unrelenting, effing heat. For days and days now, temps at or near three digits, heat indexes over 115, and I have had it up to here with it. HERE. I don't even work out in it, I am fortunate enough to live with adequate (barely) ac, but it is plain-old pissing me off. It is keeping form being able to do so many things, and I live with enough limits in my life, good hell I don't need any more.
The hurry up and wait status of my living arrangements, and my entire life in general. Many, many things to do, it's too soon to do most of them, the others just aren't calling my name hard enough yet. Of course, I know how I work most situations, so I will wait until too late to begin and then I will bitch and moan about all the sh** to do, too little time to do it.
My health and all that goes with it. Almost enough said, other than the fact that several, and I mean several new things, issues have cropped up all at once. These are huge challenges--and at least TWO that have been very dangerous. A direct result of all that is wrong with me, and the issues that it brings about. No, I don't want to tell you what they are. Suffice it to say that my current way of life has got to change soon, before something really, really awful happens. I am not playing chicken little here...I am just stating the facts. Ma'am.
Freaking cat hair. EVERYWHERE. Worse than usual and now, there are THREE. I have three cats, all of whom I love...but this damned hair. I am going to shave each and every one of them, I swear I will. The day will come when I get a hairless kitty. I don't give a damn that they cost two grand. Well worth the money, in my book. I spend twice that each year in sticky or sucking contraptions that are supposed to pick it all up, none of which really work.
My stomach. Holy hell my stomach hurts. My old friend Mr. ulcer has come back to visit. I never liked him.
And today, not unlike every other behind me, I am in pain. Not just little pain, but pain that makes me say "can I make it to work today?". That kind of pain. I am so tired. Exhausted. Not in the sleepy way, but worn out from hurting every damned second of my life. To say I have endured more than I can take is so far below where I am this morning. Admitting this here makes me want to apologize to you all, again. But I won't --- I can't continue being sorry for what is real for me. What I feel this morning makes me question not only my day but my future. I don't believe in suicide so none of you need think about that...but oh, OH if I did. However, I know that for whatever reason this is my lot in life. I try---and I so hope you all know I do --- to put the positive spin on all of it, not just for you, but because that honestly is the way I work. But it's becoming too difficult. I am becoming defeated. I don't know how to be this way, I have never been defeated before. Suggestions?
Enough. I could go on but enough. Happy Freakin' Hump day, ya'll.