Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Warning: Wackadoo woman writes wonky, winged-out words on Wednesday

Meh.

While I usually take the high-road because I suppose I am just that type of person, I don't feel like it here. I am whining and you all don't have to read if you would rather not. Yes, there certainly are others who have it so much worse than I. I do what I can for those folks. But I am pissed off at so many things right now. I have been this way for days and I have got to get a few things off my chest.

Life is getting me down for various reasons, so let's just name a few here, shall we?

The unrelenting, effing heat. For days and days now, temps at or near three digits, heat indexes over 115, and I have had it up to here with it. HERE. I don't even work out in it, I am fortunate enough to live with adequate (barely) ac, but it is plain-old pissing me off. It is keeping form being able to do so many things, and I live with enough limits in my life, good hell I don't need any more.

The hurry up and wait status of my living arrangements, and my entire life in general. Many, many things to do, it's too soon to do most of them, the others just aren't calling my name hard enough yet. Of course, I know how I work most situations, so I will wait until too late to begin and then I will bitch and moan about all the sh** to do, too little time to do it.

My health and all that goes with it. Almost enough said, other than the fact that several, and I mean several new things, issues have cropped up all at once. These are huge challenges--and at least TWO that have been very dangerous. A direct result of all that is wrong with me, and the issues that it brings about. No, I don't want to tell you what they are. Suffice it to say that my current way of life has got to change soon, before something really, really awful happens. I am not playing chicken little here...I am just stating the facts. Ma'am.

Freaking cat hair. EVERYWHERE. Worse than usual and now, there are THREE. I have three cats, all of whom I love...but this damned hair. I am going to shave each and every one of them, I swear I will. The day will come when I get a hairless kitty. I don't give a damn that they cost two grand. Well worth the money, in my book. I spend twice that each year in sticky or sucking contraptions that are supposed to pick it all up, none of which really work.

My stomach. Holy hell my stomach hurts. My old friend Mr. ulcer has come back to visit. I never liked him.

And today, not unlike every other behind me, I am in pain. Not just little pain, but pain that makes me say "can I make it to work today?". That kind of pain. I am so tired. Exhausted. Not in the sleepy way, but worn out from hurting every damned second of my life. To say I have endured more than I can take is so far below where I am this morning. Admitting this here makes me want to apologize to you all, again. But I won't --- I can't continue being sorry for what is real for me. What I feel  this morning makes me question not only my day but my future. I don't believe in suicide so none of you need think about that...but oh, OH if I did. However, I know that for whatever reason this is my lot in life. I try---and I so hope you all know I do --- to put the positive spin on all of it, not just for you, but because that honestly is the way I work. But it's becoming too difficult. I am becoming defeated. I don't know how to be this way, I have never been defeated before. Suggestions?

Enough. I could go on but enough. Happy Freakin' Hump day, ya'll.

12 comments:

welcome to my world of poetry said...

It's good to get things off your chest and there is always someone here who will read and understand.
As you say there are people who are worse off but that don't mean how you feel makes that any better.
Hope it gets cooler for you.......send some heat my way it's an awful summer here.

Take care.
Yvonne.

Janie Fox said...

it is terribly hot here. i don't know how my man works in it. i am praying for you and your medical issues. we never know the reasons why things have to be hard but there is a reason. keep smiling and get around some funny people . laughter is good for the soul. ((hugs))

On the Road Again said...

Oh I hear you my friend, the heat just sucks whatever will you might have to face the day. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't. I guess in my heart I do believe we will come out the other side if we just persevere. Hang tough and stay cool.

Mary said...

Heat, heat, and more heat!!! I'll never become a fan of this kind of weather. Harry says I should live at the North Pole. Maybe he's correct.

Jamie, I do understand the unrelenting pain. It grinds on and on wearing one down to an almost unbearable place. I'm so sorry that you and experiencing this.

Cat hair!! I think the hot weather is causing the heavy coat of cat hair on every surface. I declare our cat should be bald based on the hair she has spread this summer. My vet said the outside climate affects inside pets, too. I bought---

Pledge Fabric Sweepers for Pet Hair.

They are the best solution I've found. I first bought them at Sam's but the last buy was made on the net. There's one (out of sight) in every room so I can sweep furniture each time I see the need. The sweepers have a trap that catches the hair. They are not one time use and hold lots of pick-up.

Jamie, I hope you feel better soon. Getting the upcoming move behind you should make things easier for you.

Love to you, my friend.

Kristy said...

I hear you about the heat. It is making me tired and sick. Finally, broke down and I'm going to get a portable a/c. As, for pet hair. I tried everything for my majorly furry dogs and cat until I started brushing them with a furminator. Works, wonders when I do keep up the brushing them. I use the same furminator on the dogs as the cat.
Pain, just sucks period. My mother is starting spinal decompression and loves it. I hope you can find some answers for your pain as it is just pure hell to live in for any period of time.

Beau's Mom said...

Pain is very exhausting. You don't have to do anything but hurt, and you're wiped out. Instead of fixing or helping, my new doc in my new area wants tests and tests that I had before I moved.

He says "I am a DOCTOR. I went to school for EIGHT years to be a DOCTOR...did you?"

To which I add "I'm a SPECIALIST. I've been studying my pain for over 40 years and I know what doesn't work."

The poor cats are going through a "double shed" due to the heat.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Under normal circumstances, I am a pretty even-tempered person. But uncomfortable heat makes a person MEAN. Add pain to that mixture and I sometimes feel like I have the personality of a Tasmanian Devil. I do so know pretty much what you're going through....and how I wish there was a solution. Amazing that they can put a man on the moon but can't find a solution for the millions of us who suffer with constant pain. Just throw narcotics at us and figure if we're doped up enough we won't realize how much pain we're in. A friend of mine recently went to have some laser treatments to help him stop smoking and it was 100% successful. He hasn't had (or craved) a cigarette in over a month and feels terrific. I wonder if they have a laser treatment for pain? You know I almost feel bad bitching about all this heat....when I was complaining about all the snow and cold just a few months ago. But 100 degrees is just......too much! Sending prayers for you, dear friend. Don't lose faith...keep on believing that good things and relief will come to you. Big hugs. xo

Coffeypot said...

IT seems that the only thing you really have control over is the cats. Love them in memory. Get rid of them and win one for yourself.

Lena said...

So sorry you are going through more health challenges. I feel very badly for you as I know you have so much going on as it is. It has got to be awful being in chronic pain like u are. I have no idea how you do as much as u do!!

The heat makes everything 10x worse!!

Cat hair all over is like the stick that broke the camel's back.

I have been reading Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. It may not be for everyone, but I thought I would mention it.

Hugs to you and I hope it cools down real soon for u all!

azjuleseleven said...

You have more problems than you think! You're going to Oregon in September... post it on your vision board now so it has time to manifest. I can't wait to walk with you on the beach.....

Leann said...

I have been thinking about you and the god awful heat that you have been enduring. Oregon in September is going to be so lovely for you. I too, can't wait to walk with you on the beach....the ocean renews....look forward to it my friend. ((hugs)) and prayers. Blessed be Jamie.

Leann said...

Dates......September 19, 21, and 22. I will pick you both up at the airport and we will be on our way. Now you have the answers :-) and YES, Jules will be there.