Saturday, July 23, 2011

I love beginning my sentences with AND.

I have been sitting here, at my keyboard for most of the night. Well, most of what you all would call the night. I am not sure what I call it, the late night "everyone in the world is asleep but me" hours have become my mornings. I don't really mind the shift in my hours and my thinking, but my oh-so-tired body would like to argue that point. Sleeping beyond one or two in the am has become impossible. As a general rule, by that hour, I have been in the bed, fitfully asleep three or four hours. Not enough by far, but tell my body that --- the bones in my legs that seem to lay directly on top of each other, poking me painfully, the burning up and down the backs of each, the throbbing in my neck and head, the electrical "shocks" I feel in my feet and hands, the horrific charlie horses I get in my upper thighs and my rear end. No pillow, no position, no kind of change that I can make can change the fact that I cannot lay there one second longer. Mason and Meisha love my new hours, after all, they are allowed to eat breakfast at that ridiculous hour. There is nothing like the smell of tuna, whitefish (?), cod, etc at two am. Oh yeah.

Other than my crazy nights, nothing much has changed here in limbo land. I wait for the big move, even for the time that I can begin to pack up my current apartment, but it is still too early. I have made the mistake of packing up way ahead of time, when there still is weeks of living left to do in the place being moved from. You end up with a huge mess of boxes and complete disarray, usually packing things that need to used, so the boxes are opened and closed more than once. It just doesn't work for a nitpicky neat freak like me. However, knowing that I am leaving here takes away the interest in keeping it looking perfect, like usual. So now, I am living in a bit of a mess, unhappy of course, that I am. Yes---I am aware that is screwed up, no need to tell me. And frankly, I have little energy or ability right now to do much about any of it, anyway. I worry about how I am possibly going to get ready to move in the first place, in general I am useless. But I also know that things have a way of working out. So...I flow along, in my la-la land type of fog. It will get done---somehow.

I cannot turn my head this morning. In general I have constant neck pain but holy french toast, this morning--it's bad. Blenheim.

I saw my doc yesterday....the wheels are in motion to have the spinal stimulator implanted. There are many things that need to be done it will take awhile, including having a complete psych workup, to make sure i am a good candidate. I am not looking forward to any of it, but like has been said here alot recently, I give. SOMETHING has to be done. So---begin, I will.

Saturday! I love Saturday. I have no idea what the day holds in store for me, but I do know that I am going to make dinner this evening and I have to make a birthday cake for Mark. Yep --- he's another year older tomorrow!

You all have a wonderful day today. And that's an order!  :)


welcome to my world of poetry said...

You too have a good week-end. if anyone could do with one you could.
Take care.

Beau's Mom said...

My nights are different in that I stay awake until 2 am (not a problem) because I DREAD going to bed. When I'm beyond being able to function, I go to bed and hope I fall asleep quickly before the pain gets worse.

I don't understand the electrical ZAPS I've been having and four doctors want either MRIs or CT scans, but I'm allergic to the dye. Which would be MY problem, not theirs, so they don't care.

Today I'm going to try to give up my six a day habit of cokes with aspartame and see if there's ANY thing that feels better after a few days.

I've had to dump all my medications because they only seemed to fight each other and make something else worse that I didn't need getting worse instead of better.

Ruth said...

I don't sleep well a lot. It really sucks.

Janie Fox said...

aww we "up at nighters" should start a book club, or a fight club or some kind of club. I am tired of watching The Nanny. haha

Leann said...

Hope you had a fabulous Saturday and a peaceful Sunday :-)

Blessed be friend

Cheryl said...

I sure wish you could take a few 3 hour 'naps'. You need more sleep. Like you need me to tell you that, right? How was your weekend? Are you back to work? Bleh, as you would say. Hope you're feeling a little better today. Hugs!

impromptublogger said...

Nothing worse than pain or worry to keep you awake. Plus with your pending move you have so much to think about! Thanks for stopping by my blog - your grandsons re adorable!

Daffy said...

I can't imagine such pain! I know brain pain...the kind that makes you throw up and think your head will explode out the back. The kind that has you crawling to the phone for a ride to the er where nothing helps anyway and no one can figure out why you get those 'headaches' which don't even begin to describe it. I can't imagine what you describe.

I hope you are able to find some relief. I will be thinking of you!