In advance, I need to apologize for what will surely be pessimism at best, downright whining and bitching at the worst.
I have had the worst day today. In fact, I have had the worst few weeks, to be honest. My pain level is off the charts and whether it be purely that, or the medications required to keep me from putting a bullet in my brain, I am just not dealing well with my life. Not at all, not what-so-freaking-ever.
I am fed up with everything and I see no end in sight. Yes, I have doctors and their office staffs really do suck. Just today, I had to call again to have the tests scheduled, because for whatever reason - I am easily forgettable, I don't put up enough of a fight, I am too agreeable or just don't squeak enough to get the grease - whatever...I have yet to have the damned appointments made. So another call placed, another promise made. In the meantime, I am dying. And putting off any life I might have left. And furthermore? I don't really care. Just make the pain stop. Okay? Can you do that for me, Mr doctors staff? If not, please, PLEASE follow through on what needs to be done.
Because otherwise, what little bit of sunshine and happiness I have left in my life is going away, and quickly. I am really past living, just trying to work. And then, nothing. I know I have to work or I will surely die, for other reasons. After that - I no longer care. I sit here alone, wanting no one, seeing no one, talking to no one. Just leave me alone and let me suffer. But I know that is not the way to live, so I keep hoping that once I actually manage to have a test or two, there will be an answer. If not --- well then, I just don't know. I no longer have any idea what my future holds, because I cannot see past my next pill.
Other than that, I am good y'all. Really good. I'm out.