Monday, December 21, 2009

No title post

Monday again.

I am not in the mood mentally for work, and physically, well...I am walking today, but that's about the extent of it. And I know I should be grateful for that and all, I mean, many days I can't walk at all, but right now I am not feeling grateful, I am feeling mad that I have to deal with all the physical problems and pain every freakin' day of my life. I try so damned hard. At everything. Where did I get the idea that trying...pushing...continuing would ever help? Because if it did, I would be fine. Whatever the hell my problem is, and we can just close our eyes and point at one of them, there are so many, but whatever the hell-whichever one-is creating all the issues right now, it wins. Do you hear me spinal degeneration? Do you hear me nueropathy? Do you hear me sjogrens disease? How about you, you freakin' hear me? YOU WIN. I just can't keep this up. I give, I concede. Game, match. OVER.

Yep, I am well aware that there are many...MANY...who have it much worse than I. And for each of you, I must say, I am not a whiner. But pain is pain and I just can't take much more. So forgive me for being this way, please. I am fed up with dragging my ass around, trying to get one more thing accomplished before I collapse. And then paying for it with my body. The price of everything is just too steep. Just eff it all. Bah.


Jules said...

Hi Jamie, How did your day go? I was sending you positive vibes all day.

Much Love, J

Smocha said...

I'm so sorry that you are suffering so much. I would have given up and quit working LONG before now. You got a pair, lol, that's for sure.

The "big sister” in me always want's to fix everyone and solve everything. I got nuthin'

I am stuck for words because I know how inadequate they are. I wish I could just take you and Soul and FIX everything. Or maybe stick the both of you in some fancy schmancy "Shady pines" where they would just make you guys STOP, when you should, and then just take care of all your pain the rest of the time.

I'm stymied.

So you have my prayers, my best wishes and my (probably unwanted, but unstoppable) advice :)

(((Big hugs)))

Leann said...

I am so terribly sorry that pain is kickin' your ass right now sweetie. I can not empathize as I have never been there but my compassion flows for you. You are a strong woman for having come as far as you have. Part of victory is recognizing defeat.

Blessings to you and prayers for recovery or at least relief.


Susan said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with your horible pain. If I had a magic wand I'd use it for you. Sadly I don't, so I'll just send healing thoughts your way and hope you wake up tomorrow feeling just a little less.


prashant said...

So you have my prayers, my best wishes and my (probably unwanted, but unstoppable) advice :)

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