I am not in the mood mentally for work, and physically, well...I am walking today, but that's about the extent of it. And I know I should be grateful for that and all, I mean, many days I can't walk at all, but right now I am not feeling grateful, I am feeling mad that I have to deal with all the physical problems and pain every freakin' day of my life. I try so damned hard. At everything. Where did I get the idea that trying...pushing...continuing would ever help? Because if it did, I would be fine. Whatever the hell my problem is, and we can just close our eyes and point at one of them, there are so many, but whatever the hell-whichever one-is creating all the issues right now, it wins. Do you hear me spinal degeneration? Do you hear me nueropathy? Do you hear me sjogrens disease? How about you, fibromyalgia...do you freakin' hear me? YOU WIN. I just can't keep this up. I give, I concede. Game, match. OVER.
Yep, I am well aware that there are many...MANY...who have it much worse than I. And for each of you, I must say, I am not a whiner. But pain is pain and I just can't take much more. So forgive me for being this way, please. I am fed up with dragging my ass around, trying to get one more thing accomplished before I collapse. And then paying for it with my body. The price of everything is just too steep. Just eff it all. Bah.