Saturday, November 14, 2009

Layin' it all out there

First bone head move of the day:

Wake up at four am, stumble to the coffee pot, turn it on, stumble to the bathroom upstairs and brush my teeth. Come out of the bathroom, back down to the kitchen---good heavens, what's that noise? Oh yeah...that would be coffee pouring all over the kitchen counter, as I forgot to put the pot in the coffee maker. Clean that mess up, thirty minutes later, make more coffee. You know, I'm not sure that my coffee maker will ever be the same. Coffee wasn't streaming out of it, it was coming back up through the top, as I have one of those machines that you can take the pot out under to pour coffee while it's still brewing. So, I not only had coffee everywhere, but I had coffee grounds, too. Lovely start to the day.

So then, it's time for breakfast for my kitties, and I get out the canned food, put it in their bowls, holding my nose all the way. I have not had a sip of coffee yet, and I seriously need it by now. I put the food bowls on the floor, pour my first cup, gather up my things to sit down at the computer and step in the f***ing cat food. Bone head move number two and it's barely four thirty am. Gah.

Yes, it's going to be a good day.

I feel like ass this morning. Turning my head to the left has been a problem all week, and that has not improved. My right foot is alternating between burning, buzzing and no feeling at all. Something is brewing south of my left behind cheek, it feels like if I move wrong, it will knock me to the floor. My knees sound like jiffy pop on the stairs and my left hip is making this loud click from time to time. Yea me.

I think my marriage of thirteen and one half years is dying a slow death. Perhaps I am no longer able to get my point across, anyone agree with that? Hell, I don't know anymore. After a conversation with Mark, I seriously wonder if I'm losing my mind. I don't feel that way after conversing with anyone else, but I don't talk to that many. Anyone wanting to weigh in here, it's fine by me. I am open to suggestions because I am completely out of ideas.

And while I am whining and swearing and talking out loud here, I had an interesting conversation with a male customer at work. I don't even know how I got to the point of telling him that I would be fifty on my next birthday. I was then told that I was "well preserved". Hmm..compliment or not? He was older than me, considerably. Is fifty so old that being preserved is necessary? bleh...

I don't' care if it harelips the governor, I am going to have a good holiday season this year. There is not much money, and I have little strength, but screw it. I am putting my tree up as soon as I can, and I am going to enjoy the reason. I feel it in my heart, it's not in my wallet.

I have not even had the strength to get to the store all week long. I have zero food in this house. I have been eating the strangest things, just because I am too damned tired to go get anything else. I had cheesebread for dinner the other night. Let me remind you, I hate cheese and bread. Today, grocery shopping, first thing.

Happy Saturday friends. I'm out.

10 comments:

Lena said...

Starting they morning like that sure puts a damper on the day.

I am sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. I have knee pain so I know how frustrating and irritating and down right depressing chronic pain can be. I hope you can find some kind of relief!

Grocery shopping first thing will help. It always cheers me up to get the shopping done because it is a big accomplishment to go out and do it when in pain.

Hope the rest of your weekend looks up!

Jules said...

I love you Jamie. Seriously. I am not laughing at you right out loud.

I know what it is to "buck up" and get through the day. When it gets tedious and you think you can't take it, that's a sign to just stop. Stop everything, especially your thoughts. Close you eyes, take a deep breath and then breath it all out. Your pain, your fear your trepidations..... Let them go.

It's been my road to sanity and I'm almost there.

Besious! J

Jay said...

It's going to be a really quiet Christmas for me too. I had been considering not even getting the Christmas decorations out this year. But, maybe that will be extra depressing. So, I guess I probably will put the tree up and maybe some lights or something. That's probably a good plan you have. Put the decorations up and celebrate the season.

Susan said...

I've noticed that relationships tend to ebb and flow. With anyone else, you can just stay away from each other until you are connecting again...with a husband...well, he's always there and you can't help but notice that you really aren't synching with each other. (and it's a really good day when you can avoid stangling him)

I hope that's all it is for you two.

desert dirt diva said...

YOUR DAY MAY HAVE STARTED CRAPPY, BUT YOUR MIND IS GOOD, SAYING CHRISTMAS IS IN YOUR HEART AND NOT IN YOUR WALLET IS THE BEST DAMN THING I'VE HEARD IN A LONG TIME!

Summer said...

You poor baby. I'm sorry that you had such a rough start to the day. I hope you got your shopping done and got some good food in the house for you. How's your pain tonight?

Cheryl said...

I'd love to come over and hang out with you. I really would.

Bad start to the day. Did you get to laugh about it at all? Ah, the injustice.

I hope you see some sunshine and get to sit out on your balcony. Breath in and out. Then go shopping or ask someone to do it for you.

Mary said...

Jamie, I just had to read about the start of your day to Harry. He has done exactly the same thing a couple of times. He said, "At least Jamie understands how it is to screw up a perfectly good day before daylight." I hope you were able to throw it off and enjoy the day.

If I had advise re your marriage I'd be only too happy to share. I guess I have a wierd attitude about marriage that is a result of a 20 year abusive marriage. Life with Harry is wonderful and I wouldn't change it. Our relationship hinges on open communication and respect. If that ever should end (God forbid) I'd be out of here like a flash and so would he.

Pain is a really horrible constant companion. I understand and pray for better days ahead for you.

Take care, friend, and know you have my prayers.

Mary said...

Jamie, I just had to read about the start of your day to Harry. He has done exactly the same thing a couple of times. He said, "At least Jamie understands how it is to screw up a perfectly good day before daylight." I hope you were able to throw it off and enjoy the day.

If I had advise re your marriage I'd be only too happy to share. I guess I have a wierd attitude about marriage that is a result of a 20 year abusive marriage. Life with Harry is wonderful and I wouldn't change it. Our relationship hinges on open communication and respect. If that ever should end (God forbid) I'd be out of here like a flash and so would he.

Pain is a really horrible constant companion. I understand and pray for better days ahead for you.

Take care, friend, and know you have my prayers.

Leann said...

I'm sorry your day started off on such a left foot. I hate it when that happens.

Christmas. I love Christmas. Even when I don't have the funds to do all the things I want I love Christmas. The sights, sounds, spirit.

I hope your Sunday started out on a better foot.