Monday, August 17, 2009

Except for Monday, which was never good anyway

Monday's just won't stop rolling in, will they? I have often thought that they should be done away with, just start the week with Tuesday, but then, Tuesday would become the dreaded "Monday" and that would put us right back where we started. I guess I don't really mind them, but everyone's mood is so MONDAY at work. The customer's have the Monday face, too -- that urgency that says, "it's the beginning of the week and I have to get (fill in the blank here) today". The phone rings incessantly, and I always wonder if everyone's car broke down on Sunday or if most put off making that dreaded call to the call dealership on Friday... Ah, it doesn't matter, not really. One day blends into the next day, then the next day. Before you know it, it's Friday again. This is the old age talking. I can remember when the distance between Monday and Friday was light years, now, it all just rolls along. That can be a blessing or not, depending on what's happening that week.

The weekend here was pretty calm and quiet, generally the way I like it. This past weekend though, it kind of got to me. I want so badly to live alone, and the other half of my marriage knows it. We have to wait for a couple of circumstances to work themselves out, and it's really beginning to get to me. Neither of us are happy, but we don't fight. We are actually pretty good friends and I hope that will continue once our addresses are different. I do realize that rarely happens, though. I honestly believe that in this case, it will work that way --- and I know that I am taking a risk, I mean, Mark is a good man, a man with integrity and he has a lot of really great qualities, and anything can happen. I know all of this, and if that's the way it all works out, then I am okay with it. More than anything we both need to be happy. If we can't be happy with each other, then with someone else is better. In my case, I just want to be alone. ALONE.

Back to work today. I wish I could tell you that I loved my job, I wish I could say that when I get up each morning, I am happy to get rolling along to work. That just isn't the case. I start each morning with that feeling in the pit of my stomach, you know the one --- that feeling of dread. Then, I begin to come up with reasons why I can't go to work that day. Not that I ever actually stay home, I just have reasons I should. Once I am there, it doesn't necessarily get better - I just get busy. I do the same thing every freakin' day. THE SAME THING. I have never worked in any kind of place like it...they are good people and it is a successful business, but I am just an employee----and really, what more should I be? But it is so completely different than anything I have ever done before. Some days, I really don't ever see the owners, any of them. And it isn't like this is some huge conglomerate business, there are only 26 people on the payroll...I am there to do my job. Which I understand totally, and that's what I do, and I do it well. But it is so B-O-R-I-N-G. I take care of their millions. Yes, millions. And their dollars are the most important thing....and I am supposed to cut expenses and have been able to do that, somewhat. As long as the cuts don't involve their friends or family losing any business, and as long as the changes don't affect THEM in any way. Hmmm... There are so many places that I could slash the budget there. Easy changes, things that make perfect sense. But, we can't do this, because that would hurt the business of this friend. Oh, and well we can't do that - well that might make my life just a bit more difficult. But hey, don't you think that our monthly outgo is just a bit too high?

But anyway, I need to get off my butt and get to the saltmines. Have the happiest Monday you can. :)


SOUL: said...

hi girlie--

you do sound bored. or should i say b-o-r-e-d? ugh. i try to picture your work space, but really can't, cuz we haven't talked much about it. but i think maybe you need to brighten it up somehow. surely you have a desk???? do you still have that thing i gave you to throw at people? :)) find a place for that. just the thought of that flying into someones face-- esp. on a monday -- just has to make you smile. only because i know it would never happen... but it would be funny-- in a slapstick / thee stooges kinda way.

anyhow. you know i feel really bad about your marriage. i like mark. and i know this is tough for both of you-- but it sounds like you both have a good sense of how things need to be, and that could turn out pretty well. i hope it does.

i miss you j.

hope you have a good day--
mondays are just days. at our age... every day just seems the same some times. pretend it's friday-- every day!
love you

Anonymous said...

'Morning Jamie! How nice to start the day with you again. And yes, it is Monday, and I return to work after a week of lovely vacation, and my feelings so very much mirror yours. I wonder if there are folks out there who actually do love going to work. I've never had that luxury but long for it. Boring routine is the key word here too, but my check helps pay the bills (minimally). I look at the years until possible retirement and it's pretty far away. Somehow I guess we'll both hang in there 'cuz its the only choice we really have. I am prayin that you are soon able to have the house to yourself, it will make all the difference, and I'm betting you and Mark will be able to remain friends or at least on good terms, it's so much easier when you don't have to live with them! :-) Love ya!

SOUL: said...

you have the most beautiful grand baby in the world !!!!!

has it sunk in yet????

a GRAND BABY!!! and he's all yours.
he's just sickeningly adorable !!!
i wish i could "see" him.


Cheryl said...

Hi Jamie,
Luckily Soul posted and I saw your comment and here I am. You didn't show up on my 'Reader' for some reason. That won't happen again.

I can so relate to the weeks flying by. Every time I turn around it's Saturday and I'm waiting for that latte. I guess it's a goal. I enjoy my treat, but then it's, "what now?" And then something comes up, usually alone, and it fills my time and it's fine.

I really am lucky to have a job I love. I never wake up and say, yeah! work day, but I never think, yuck! work day. I never really realized how fortunate I am.

I love living without a spouse. Of course if I had the right one, like Sophie, I'd be singing another tune. I co-existed with my ex, but felt like such a burden was lifted when he left. Now we co-parent, and for the most part, are in agreement. So I'm lucky there too.

Despite today's post (it IS Monday and you're working and I'm not) your last post had a different feel to it. Like you're taking the reins and making positive changes. It made me happy to hear, and I'm so glad you've posted. Please stay with us. You're really missed when you're gone.

SOUL: said...

just checkin in--

your turn :))

Kelly Jene said...

Hey! Long time no read. Sorry for that. I sure understand the Boring and hating your job. My last job before I stayed home was like that. Though, unlike you, when I came up with a reason I could miss work, I used it.. every time.

Your grandbaby is adorable! Congratulations!