Stop it. Just stop it.
You CAN do this, you can do ANYTHING. Oh, you want proof? Ok...here goes:
For starters, you just walked 40 minutes. No big deal you say---well, how about last fall when you were in a wheelchair...how about that? Just now, you walked 2.8 miles. Two point eight miles! Why does this not impress you? Why?
They all said that you'd never make it, didn't they? They all said that you would never be able to support your kids, all on your own...that you would need a man, and damn quickly. Well, you got the man---did that stop you? No...you proceeded to make it on your own, and have one of the highest incomes in Southern Iowa for a woman that is, of course. You spoiled your kids into rotten brats and you know it---but that took MONEY. And you DID it.
You did that job, and one of many others at any given time. And you managed to instill good values into all of your kids, whether or not they choose to remember them today. You DID that. They always knew that they came first.
Back when you were young...you got sick. So sick that you couldn't function. Couldn't work. Couldn't bring in the money that the family so desperately needed, three little ones back then, and a husband who worked when he felt the urge. You had previously had the good sense to buy disability insurance and it paid off. For FIVE long years, that kept your family going...along with the social security benefits you earned. THEN, they all said you would never work again. NEVER. And once again...you took your illness and your life into your own hands and got back to it. You got yourself as healthy as possible, changing your eating habits for life, exercised yourself into the best shape anyone could...lost 60 pounds of "medicine" weight,threw all the doctor prescribed pills right down the toilet, began lifting weights, even thought seriously about weightliftng competitions...you were capable and up to that---and would have won many, too. But blowing out your lower back ended that dream. Even that didn't stop you. You got yourself back to well and got your ass back to work.
You took on most of your family...helping all of them financially, paying many of their bills, your mother, your younger sister. Hell, you bought your sister's house and rented it back to her,just to prevent her living in the streets, come on...who does that other than a winner? WHO?
And now...now that your life has taken this turn, now that you are out of your comfort zone, you want to sit around and whine about it? KNOCK IT OFF. And, I mean NOW. You are smarter than this, better than this, and frankly---just give it the fuck up, because you are not going to be happy until you make it here, too. So---get your ass busy. And do it NOW.
Don't believe me? Just effin' hide and watch.