I am out of coffee filters. I was out of coffee filters yesterday, and guess what? They did not magically appear anywhere in my house when I was not home. I think you have to go buy coffee filters if you want more. The mere fact that I have none in the house is not a catastrophic problem, or wouldn't be, if I were not already falling apart. But this morning, having no coffee filters in the house made me cry. Strangely enough, not having them did not prevent me from having coffee, as my pot actually has a built in filter, and I only use the paper kind not to have to clean that damned basket of coffee grounds every day. But the fact that I hadn't given it a thought all day long yesterday reduced me to tears, in my own kitchen, at three am. And this is just more proof friends, that I am a complete whack job. As if any of us needed more proof.
I am officially to join the ranks of the unemployed in a couple of weeks, I spoke with BJ yesterday and delivered the news. I also gave him a recommendation on a replacement for me, someone that works there already, and who I feel is easily trainable. Well, somewhat easily trainable, as NO ONE is when it comes to GM accounting. But she already gets the whole idea of the business and that is more than half the battle. I am not certain yet that he will listen to what I think, as he really, really, REALLY doesn't like me, and after our conversation yesterday, he now has even more reason to feel that way. He was visibly upset with me, although wouldn't say that, when I asked him why he was so mad. He of course, argued that he wasn't...okay, I guess I didn't really see the steam coming out of your ears there, buddy. I know this is only the third day of the new regime, but having to watch what is happening to my place is excruciatingly painful. Please excuse my language but the current word that comes to mind is clusterfuck- the whole place has turned into a huge clusterfuck. No one has any idea what's happening, no one makes any decisions, no one knows who to ask for said decisions, and who loses? The customers of course.
I actually watched a customer be strong armed yesterday, into buying a car she could not afford, and a payment that was hugely different than the one she wanted. Which I know happens everyday in our business. No one wants a payment over $250, and that is not realistic. Everyone leaves with a payment closer to $400 or more, and if they really want to buy a car, then they have to come to grips with reality. But this is not what happened yesterday, this is not what I mean when I say strong armed. This was done deceitfully, things were not disclosed, and when she complained and wanted to leave, they brought in the big boys. That has never happened in my place, and seriously, I couldn't believe my eyes. If you don't want to really buy a car, do not stop into this place of business, as you will not leave without one. Yep, this is happening all over the country -- it is the way of the business now. I get that. I just don't have to be a part of it. And in a small town like ours, I wish them the best of luck. There is not enough population to keep new folks coming in, and repeat business will now be a thing of the past. Whatever, BJ Darling, whatever.
So, I came home last night, had a couple of brown bottles, and went job hunting on line. Hmm..I am now wondering who I applied to, and I only had two! I am not sure that semi-drunk job hunting is in my best interest, particularly when I am pissed off at the current job. This morning, I woke up knowing that I am no where near ready for that, mentally or otherwise. I am completely unprepared for the mental aspect of job hunting, and I had better get with it. I will not be able to draw unemployment, as HE already told me no way...not if I quit. Asshole.
So, today I get to go back to the place that has been my whole life for so many years...the place that now feels like a prison...the place where even as recently as a week ago, everyone there felt like my family...the place where I am now treated like the idiot child. I don't know how much longer I can take this. And yet, I will not back out on my promise, or on the person that I love and will now have to train to do my job. Heaven help me. Later.