This is the very last day of 2007. I feel like I ought to say something profound here, something meaningful, something that will be remembered. Here goes. "Don' t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out." Now that was PROFOUND.
It's not that the whole year was that bad-- okay, it was. And yet, that isn't right. It was a good year in many, many ways. Generally, I measure the scale of good or bad on what happens to those that matter to me, my kids - my family. And in that respect, this year has really been good. My kids have been on a pretty even keel, at least for my kids, all year long. Youngest and GF are still together and doing relatively well, they are both working and making pretty decent money, Oldest son is cruising along like always and deciding that the time is now for some changes in his life, and Daughter has come quite a ways this year, from living here with me and not working to really loving her job and doing great at it, moving to a place she loves and now has even has discovered that she is going to have a baby! My mother is still with us, and in the beginning of this year, I would have bet that was not going to be the case by the end of this year. H and I have gone from splitting up in March to a completely different kind of marriage in one year. I have made wonderful, wonderful friends here, that are very important to me, in blogland and in real life, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. All in all, that adds up to a VERY GOOD YEAR. And yet, this is a year that I will be happy to see get the hell out of dodge.
I guess this has been one of the hardest years in memory for me, just for me. I don't remember struggling so hard in my 47 years of life at anything as I have this past year, all year long. I have had to literally make myself do everything that needs doing, from working to cleaning to exercising to having fun, only to find myself eventually unable to do anything by the end of the year. I have been in more pain than I can even tell you, I have had to rely on others for help, I have even had to ask for help, and that has never been my strong suit, let me tell you. I have had to swallow my pride and get in a wheelchair and let the world see me like that. I have cried buckets of tears, and then wallowed in them, I have gotten mad and thrown things only to be unable to pick them up myself, I have been the most pitiful human on the face of this earth. It has been a slow progression of not being able to do for myself, or get things done, or walk, all year long. It was actually happening at the beginning of 2007, even though I didn't know why or what at the time. It has just been a sad, pathetic, hard, rotten year, that I will be happy to see be finished.
And this is the last day. :)
I don't know what 2008 will hold. It may be all better for me. I may be all fixed, and be able to do everything that I want to do again. That certainly is my hope and my prayer. But I am well aware that just because I am walking today, that is not a guarantee that I will be walking next week or even next month. I have been warned that with the nature of the injury to my spinal cord, it could still turn around and kick me in the ass. Either way, I will be okay. I have learned alot in this rotten year of 2007. I said it was a bad year, I didn't say it was a wasted year. I am usually a pretty quick learner. I know now that you don't burn your bridges...and perhaps you should be grateful for each little thing that does work, although I really did already know that. I just got a short reminder course. I have never been one to take things for granted, I have had the rug of life ripped out from under me too many times. I still know that the greatest joy is the joy of giving and always knowing there are many out there worse off than you. I know that the best way to turn a bad day around is to focus on others. Those are things I already knew, but like I said, a reminder course never hurts. I will remember those things still in the new year, regardless of whether all of my appendages work or they don't. I did actually learn that some real changes will have to be made in my life, and life itself is apparently going to help those along, so I will be okay with them. Lemons? Lemonade.
Have a happy new year. Every single one of you. You have made a tremendous difference in my life. I thank you for that. :)