I have a bad reputation. That got your attention, didn't it? But I am serious when I say that I do. I do not believe that it is warranted, I don't believe I have earned the label of "BITCH". But it is stamped right across my forehead, on top of the ever-present wrinkles. It doesn't come off when I clean my face each evening, and it won't cover up when I put my make up on in the morning. I can't see it, but believe me, no one lets me forget that it's there.
My own family reminds me, almost daily. My mother says something to remind me of it every time we have a conversation. When I told her that I was going to meet my blogging friend, Soul, the first thing out of her mouth was "she won't like you, no one likes you". I had to laugh, as that was SO my mother.
My own children, make me feel like Attila the Hun, and the only reason that I can come up with is that they were NOT raised with an iron fist but with honesty from me, and they are still treated with honesty. Most generally not with unprovoked honesty, well okay--sometimes, I DO offer my opinion unasked to my kids....but I am never ugly, loud, brash, nor do I yell, I rarely get mad...but I do tell the truth. When I tell them the honest truth, I tell them it is only what I believe to be true, and I am generally telling them what they already know, but don't want to hear. I will also tell them the other side of that coin, and then let them make up their own minds, as they are adults, and almost one hundred percent of the time, they will agree with what I have said in the first place. When they were growing up, it was much the same. When I did have to "do" something, I didn't just warn them of things, I would follow through. If I had to go that far, then I would do what ever they had been warned about. They would be grounded, or worse, whatever I had told them would happen. I was so fair it was sickening. They could almost always tell you the punishment before the crime. So what about that makes me a bitch?
I am an extremely fair person...I do not talk without thought, if I am angry, I take time to calm down, I have lived long enough to know that anger only makes me say things I wish I hadn't. At work, I weigh my words, I give more than enough chances, I am careful of others feelings.
With my husband, I have been most guilty of saying things that could earn me the name. But I am quick to apologize because I honestly am not proud of myself when I act that way. And he is the only one that does not think that I am a bitch, or at least, not outwardly so.
In my younger days, I tended to get a little overheated at the wrongness of the world, and in the defense of others, and sometimes in my own defense. I can't remember when I ever really got out of hand, and yet, I earned that name...and it still remains. I have never been in any kind of physical fight, with anyone, and yet, I have been thought of as "someone to watch out for". I come from a long line of hotheads, maybe I give off the air of someone to be careful of. I don't know.
And still, that label, right up there on my forehead, remains. Do you think I was born with it?
And, just so you all know, nothing has happened to bring about this post. It just is the truth. There has been no event to warrant this writing.
Today, I think H and I will take a road trip. I cannot actually do anything, and yesterday, I couldn't work, so the couch and I were buddies. I slept, literally, all day long. And then all night. I am able to ride, so getting out of the house sounds good. I believe it is supposed to rain, and I love to ride in the rain. I have a good book, and H is the only driver in the world I can trust besides me. I think that sounds like a great idea. Anyone want to come along?