Sunday, November 11, 2007

That's me

I have a bad reputation. That got your attention, didn't it? But I am serious when I say that I do. I do not believe that it is warranted, I don't believe I have earned the label of "BITCH". But it is stamped right across my forehead, on top of the ever-present wrinkles. It doesn't come off when I clean my face each evening, and it won't cover up when I put my make up on in the morning. I can't see it, but believe me, no one lets me forget that it's there.

My own family reminds me, almost daily. My mother says something to remind me of it every time we have a conversation. When I told her that I was going to meet my blogging friend, Soul, the first thing out of her mouth was "she won't like you, no one likes you". I had to laugh, as that was SO my mother.

My own children, make me feel like Attila the Hun, and the only reason that I can come up with is that they were NOT raised with an iron fist but with honesty from me, and they are still treated with honesty. Most generally not with unprovoked honesty, well okay--sometimes, I DO offer my opinion unasked to my kids....but I am never ugly, loud, brash, nor do I yell, I rarely get mad...but I do tell the truth. When I tell them the honest truth, I tell them it is only what I believe to be true, and I am generally telling them what they already know, but don't want to hear. I will also tell them the other side of that coin, and then let them make up their own minds, as they are adults, and almost one hundred percent of the time, they will agree with what I have said in the first place. When they were growing up, it was much the same. When I did have to "do" something, I didn't just warn them of things, I would follow through. If I had to go that far, then I would do what ever they had been warned about. They would be grounded, or worse, whatever I had told them would happen. I was so fair it was sickening. They could almost always tell you the punishment before the crime. So what about that makes me a bitch?

I am an extremely fair person...I do not talk without thought, if I am angry, I take time to calm down, I have lived long enough to know that anger only makes me say things I wish I hadn't. At work, I weigh my words, I give more than enough chances, I am careful of others feelings.

With my husband, I have been most guilty of saying things that could earn me the name. But I am quick to apologize because I honestly am not proud of myself when I act that way. And he is the only one that does not think that I am a bitch, or at least, not outwardly so.

In my younger days, I tended to get a little overheated at the wrongness of the world, and in the defense of others, and sometimes in my own defense. I can't remember when I ever really got out of hand, and yet, I earned that name...and it still remains. I have never been in any kind of physical fight, with anyone, and yet, I have been thought of as "someone to watch out for". I come from a long line of hotheads, maybe I give off the air of someone to be careful of. I don't know.

And still, that label, right up there on my forehead, remains. Do you think I was born with it?

And, just so you all know, nothing has happened to bring about this post. It just is the truth. There has been no event to warrant this writing.

Today, I think H and I will take a road trip. I cannot actually do anything, and yesterday, I couldn't work, so the couch and I were buddies. I slept, literally, all day long. And then all night. I am able to ride, so getting out of the house sounds good. I believe it is supposed to rain, and I love to ride in the rain. I have a good book, and H is the only driver in the world I can trust besides me. I think that sounds like a great idea. Anyone want to come along?


Summer said...

Was your mom serious when she said that?

Josie Two Shoes said...

I do, I do, a nice road trip sounds lovely! :-)

Gypsy said...

Unfortunately honest people often do get a bad wrap. I would rather know someone who gives me the truth than some little brown nose who only tells me what they think I want to hear. Where is the value in that? Of course there are tactful ways of telling the truth and you sound as though you have people's feelings firmly in the front of your mind when you are being honest and that's all anyone can hope for.

A relationship of any kind that is based on anything less than complete honesty is not worth having. You are someone I would love to know in real life...I think you ROCK Jamie and that's the truth.

Andrew said...

I can't believe your mother said that, but I understand. My family is on "crazy watch" right now with me and the relationships are frayed to say the least.

I would love a ride in the rain! That sounds so serene and lovely. I'm glad you got some rest. Don't worry about opening up on your blog. I'm the king of it so that was coming from the horse's mouth! lol Don't mind me. I'm crazy! hehe

Maria said...

What is wrong with being a bitch? I have been a bitch my whole life and I think it is boss.

Better to be a bitch than a wussy pants or a pee butt.

Anonymous said...

yes ditto what maria said..pee butts are creepy....

Cheryl said...

The shampoo assistants at my salon think I'm a bitch. I ask them, as nicely as I can, to straighten up, sweep, and do the things that they're paid to do. I want the place to look clean for our clients. I really do go out of my way to ask in a respectful way, but they're young and lazy. My daughter probably thinks I'm a bitch. I must be fooling a lot of people because most would say I'm pretty nice.

How was your road trip? It was a beautiful day here. I haven't been on a drive in a long time.

Amanda said...

If bitch means being an honest woman who doesn't take shit from nobody, then I'd say it's a compliment. And it's healthy.

It's a bit better than it used to be, but I still tend to put up with more shit than I should. I hate that and in turn it makes me hate myself more. Hopefully I can be more like you when I grow up.

Now, do you have some space back there? I'm right over.

Portia said...

don't feel bad. the bitch label gets slapped on any woman who's got something to say that someone doesn't want to hear:)