Thursday, August 02, 2007

Hey, Hey Paula....I want to marry you....

It has become Thursday already. I know that this happens each and every week, but each and every week I am surprised that it happens so quickly. Damn. A long day today, as are all Thursdays, and I could cry just looking ahead to the end of the day. But I will get through it. I am starting out, already worn out, every day this week. I need to get back to where I was a couple of weeks ago, and I probably will---after I get things straightened out at the coal mines. When will that happen? Beats the hell out of me....

I went out again on the bike last night (could be part of the reason I am so wiped out), but it was a million and forty seven degrees out there, and my legs gave out before I made it back home...but I am having a ball. I am jealous of those that have no physical problems and don't even try to exercise, ever. And there are many. It is such a struggle for me. If I didn't have to work, I would be in great shape. I know that sounds like an excuse, but it is fact. There was a time when I wasn't working, I was way too ill. I was on social security, and I had all the time in the world. If you didn't count trying to raise three little ones, that is. But I was the most miserable human being on the face of the earth. I was on daily prednisone, among a million other pills, and I looked like a freak. A FAT freak. I decided I would rather be dead than continue living the way I was. So, I got busy. I made getting off the medication and getting in shape my profession. And I did it. The dr's didn't understand it,said I would kill myself, but I eventually managed with only a little help---only one pain medication, and eventually, I no longer needed that, daily---at least. I lost a ton of weight, and I became a weight lifter----. I was one HUGE muscle. I was very strong. I told the social security system to take a hike and I went back to work. And I have managed for the past fifteen years, thank you very much. One day, I looked down at my arms and I was repulsed by the HUGE veins I had running down them. I really didn't look much like a woman, and i was so thin, I had zero boobs, and I realized I didn't look so great, although I did look pretty healthy. So I backed off the weight lifting, and I continued to do cardio----and stay very thin. Then I blew out five of my lower discs shoveling snow. Three of them were eventually repaired, the last two were deteriorated beyond repair, and I was cautioned to "baby" my back for the rest of my life. So, that took care of alot of what I was able to do, although it is now almost fourteen years later and my back is still okay. Over time, age had taken over, and while I can pretend that there is nothing wrong with me for awhile, my health does get the better of me at times. Now, I have a choice to do what I can with the amount of hours that i am able to be upright per day. Most days, I work. And though I still try to do what i can in the exercise department, I am usually too shot to accomplish much. So, I am hoping that the biking will fit in, at least better than the walking has the past couple of years. I am not happy with the way I look, I have gone from a size six to an eight, and most people tell me that i look better now, that i was too thin before, but I do not agree. And believe me, I will get back there one of these days. I am not in that much of a rush, I want to try and do it without killing myself, because if I go too hard at it, I will be flat on my back, once again, for days. So, I will keep plugging away at it, a little at a time, and I will continue to resent those that have no reason NOT to be in great physical shape....if I were a normally healthy person, I believe I would just kick their healthy but lazy asses....teehee

Off too the salt mines....coal mines....sweat shop.....whatever. Have a great day. Over and out.

9 comments:

SOUL: said...

see. i know that song:))

and i hear what you're sayin. before i started having all my phys and mental problems...damn i looked...and felt good. i miss that body. and i bet my hubby does too. but ya. even fishing does me in. hell...grocery shopping damn near kills me.
i'm a bitch today...i should just keep my fingers to myself today.
take it easy today.
glad to hear you are riding and liking it.
have a brown bottle for me..or twelve... you know, i'm allergic. ya.
:))

Josie Two Shoes said...

I miss the body AND the energy and the pain free, stress free days I had 15 years ago too, Jamie. I would give anything to get back to that place, or a reasonable fascimile of it! I applaud you for getting on the bike and taking some steps to make yourself feel better. We gotta believe we will get there. Never accept defeat!!! I will be sending lots of postive energy your way to help you get thru the long day ahead. Hurry up Friday!

Portia said...

lordhavemercy you are a trooper. i am sorry you have to go through all this but your determination is inspiring. i am looking forward to the end of this day for you!! and to the end of the week for all of us:)

Amanda said...

You're one of my biggest inspirations Jamie!

JYankee said...

Keep plugging away there Jamie... kudos to ya for not give up on this... too many people dont care bout themselves and that's sad....

SOUL: said...

hi jamie...
that's it. just sayin hi.

LastStand said...

People that don't have to exercise are evil. They made a pact with some demon and they will get theirs in the end!

Maria said...

Ugh. I have sciatica, so I can relate to the back woes.

I really miss those days when I was pain free ALL THE TIME and never knew to appreciate it.

SOUL: said...

go see what you made me do :))