Sunday, June 17, 2007

Fathers Day

I would like to wish a happy fathers day to all the is a really big job to be a father, a dad. So many of them are doing it right these days, it is good to see that. I think my generation of dads really had no idea that they were to be involved in the day to day, they believed their job was to provide. Most things have changed so drastically over the years, and generally I don't care for the's world is much to fast and hard. But in this case, I believe that progress has been positive.

Not one of my kids are planning to visit their dad today, and I am surprised by that. He recently moved back near here from Maui (I know, why on earth????) but he said he wanted to be near his children again. Sadly, they are not that interested in being near him. They all love him, and visit when invited if they can, but they have been without him for so long, for all the years that they needed him near, that now they don't even consider him much, or that is the way it appears to me, at least. I don't ask them too much about it, although I do still find myself reminding them about his birthday or fathers day. I suppose we all live with the choices that we have made, and he screwed up when he left them. But it saddens me....I suppose I should feel good about it, after all, I was right, but that is not the case. He was a good dad once, the best ever. At some point, he got very, very selfish, oh hell...maybe he always was, but I didn't see it that way. And no one will ever be able to make me believe that he doesn't care about them---although it has appeared that way, at times. So, I feel bad for him, and I feel bad for them. Do you ever wish you could wave the magic wand and change things? This would be one thing I would change.

On the other hand, they will all see H today. He has been their dad of sorts for the past twelve years. He has always been there for them, he has never interfered and gotten between them and me, he has always helped when asked, even when he really, really, really didn't want to, (moving, for example). I suppose in the beginning, he did it for me, but now I know he does it for them, because he cares. He is a good man, and he deserves their respect, and I know he has it.

H was supposed to work today, but surprisingly, D offered to cover for him----I think that was very sweet. So he will be home today, and I will make a decent meal for a change, I haven't really cooked for two weeks! Then we will watch the race, and probably sleep on the couch like a couple of sounds like a good day to me!

I did go to the store yesterday, yea me....and then I did a few things around here, then I did lay on my butt and did nothing more. I feel better today, not so worn out, and i am going to attempt to walk this morning before it gets so damned hot. The heat has been really bad this past week, it's way too early for this. I hope everyone has a really, really good day today. Call your dads...I really wish I still could. :) :)


SOULMANGE: said...

nice post ! i agree with so much you said here. it's a sad thing that someday these kids dad isn't gonna be around, and i know by experience, they will hold a deep regret for all they missed with him....when another option was available to them.

as for dads being different in "recent" years... that is so true. maybe it has something to do with them actually being allowed to watch their children be born. not like years ago, when they had to chain smoke and pace the waiting room floor. they had their two minutes of duty to produce the child...go thru nine months of an increasingly bitchy, and dialy enlarging wife...only to ensure that they had the suitcase packed, and the dr's phone number when needed.
now, they get to go through ALL the glory of the end result.. all the pleasure, pain, weight gain, and lack of sex... all becomes worth it to them. they realize that this is a child !!! not a product of sex that will only take away their attention, and their money, etc.
i really they the delivery room is where it all happens for them. good decision on "someones" part to let them see that and be a part of it!
so anyhow... ya, i wish i could see or send my dad a card too. but i am grateful that i have good memories and thoughts of him now... not like when i was young, and believed in the words i heard...and not the man he was, that i did get to know, love, and be extremely proud of. i miss my dad.
i hope your kids realize, they need him as much as he needs them...someday it will be too late to change things.
i hope you and H, have a nice day together. take it easy, and enjoy the race.

evalinn said...

Family stuff really isn´t easy, huh! Glad u feel a bit better.

Josie Two Shoes said...

Very good post, Jamie! It's true that dad's are much more involved wiht their kids nowdays - and that's as it should be! Kinda sad that your ex woke up and discovered his missed his kids, but when he came back he found they no longer missed him. Live and learn. I do hope at some point they will make time for him in their lives too, they won't be sorry or have later lives filled with regret. It is wonderful that they love H though, means he's been one damn good step-dad, a role that is not easy! Sounds like you did good by your kids on both counts! I will miss my dad when he's gone too, Jamie. Ornery ol' man that he is, I still love him. Hope my kids will feel the same way about me! :-)

That Chick Over There said...

Good post! Makes a lot of sense to me.

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