It's my turn

My birthday is just a few days away. I always HATE my birthday. This year, I don't want to hate it, I want it to be a good day. I want it to be happy. I hate getting older, I hate the whole idea of aging. But I sure as hell don't know how to stop it. I want to look like i did in my thirties, and that surely 'aint gonna happen. So, I will try to make the best of three years from fifty. Can that be right? Holy Shit. I don't FEEL that old, at least not in my head, (my body feels twice that). I am going to make this forty-seventh year of mine a life changing year, a positive year. I really do understand that there is no guarantee in this life, random good and bad things happen to people everyday. It's time to do what I want, I can't do for everyone else any longer. Unfortunately, I will have to disappoint and even hurt a few people in my quest to do for me. I don't like that idea, but I have never and I mean NEVER put me first. It's time. I only have one more promise to take care of, and while I resent that I was asked, I will fulfill. I always do. So, I cannot leave the area. Not until my Mom is gone. She should never have asked that of me, but she did, and I will have to make good on it. I would never ask anything like that of my kids, it totally isn't fair. In the meantime, it's my turn. I don't think anyone will like the new me. I apologize up front. But it is, it really is my turn. One year from now, alot of huge things will be different. I am excited about them. Now that i have the plan, action will follow. Because that's just the kind of gal I am.