No matter what you do, you cannot escape the news of Anna Nicole Smith's death. It is everywhere, and that is surprising to me. I guess it's a slow news day otherwise. What a truly sad statement that is. I have never really had any feeling about her, other than when she had that ridiculously horrible reality show. I hated it - I couldn't believe anyone would consider that entertainment. I have found interesting however, the different views all the people that should have known how she was doing, were. I made me think of the perceptions of all people, and how widely varying it can all be. I think if I were Anna, this is what THEY would be saying about me:
H would say: She was struggling with issues in her life, trying to find her place, dealing with a deep depression, and trying to fight various addictions.
Assistant (at work) would say: She was totally off her rocker, her temper was out of control. She was worn down from the jobs she had to do, and her health was rapidly declining.
D would say: She seemed okay to me, still gave good advice when I needed a kick in the ass.
My mom would say: She was an angel, cold do no wrong. She worried about me, took care of me, and had a really good heart.
My younger sister would say: She was a world class bitch. All she ever thought about was herself, she was cold and unfeeling.
My oldest sister would say: I know she was really struggling with alot of tough issues in her life. She agonized over her kids lives, worried incessantly about them, struggled with financial problems due to everyone needing her help in the form of money.
OS would say: Mom was a pretty good old mom. I loved to give her hell every time I saw her, I loved to tease her until she would literally get mad at me. It was fun to push all her buttons and watch her go off like a rocket.
Owner would say: I didn't notice anything unusual about her. She talked incessantly but never really said anything of importance. She had a temper, and I just tried to stay out of her way.
YS would say: My mom? What about her?
CD (crazydog) would say: I've been trying to get rid of that bitch for years.
The really funny part about this is: EACH OF THEM WOULD BE RIGHT. Each of their opinions on my emotional issues would have merit, and each of them would depend on what had gone on between us in the days leading up to my demise. Sound bites really aren't effective in trying to describe a person's LIFE, it is near impossible to put the whole persona of a human into a paragraph, or an interview, or on a page of written words. Since none of us knows the when of our death, perhaps it would be wise to give thought to how we are perceived by other at all times. Because in the past few days I have been fighting with H and choosing to drink a beer or two to take the edge off the ugliness most evenings, and because the whole house issue has come up with my sister and I, and because I never tell my mother my problems because she worries too much, and because I am expected to be the strong one in all the relationships with my kids, and because Owner cares about me but rarely notices anything about me, and because my assistant pulled a bonehead move on the job yesterday and I lost my cool, each of their statements into the "real" me would be correct. But OH SO FAR from the real me, the real truth. I just feel that is sad. I think that Anna Nichole Smith is really getting a raw deal. I, of course, didn't know her, but I do believe she was a fighter, a survivor. The truth lies somewhere in between all of the " expert" opinions. But I guess that can be said of any situation in this life. It seems to me that the truth ought to be the truth. You know, black and white. Unfortunately, I can't think of one situation in this life where that actually applies.