Sunday, February 25, 2007

Birthdays and sadness

It's Sunday morning and I'm up before alot of people go to bed on Saturday night. There is something twisted about that. I couldn't sleep any longer, alot of things on my mind, I guess. Today is my younger sister's birthday. Thirty seven. She it ten years younger than I, and sixteen years younger than my older sister. We have not spoken a word since the whole house issue, it makes me sad. Yes, I know I could call her, but that would not change one thing. She is acting and behaving in a way that makes me want to smack her, and calling her wouldn't help that one little bit. She has never done much that I understood, she has always been a little "off" at least to me. She used to be the sweetest girl, she was always a total joy to be around. Always. Then the past few years, she has dealt with a lot of pain, and sickness, and huge surgeries, and all kinds of medical trauma. She is diabetic, and that happened early in her life, and she has a myriad of other medical problems, and i certainly understand how that can wear a person down, and change their total outlook on life. She spent several years on painkillers of the worst kind, and according to her, she MISSED most or all of those years. That is sad, as she has a daughter that is sixteen years old. It is my belief, that during those years, something changed in her, and when she woke up-for lack of a better word-she was a different person. And her daughter had grown up alot without her. She has a good husband, that apparently loves her more than I can understand, because in his eyes, she can do NO WRONG. She was told, all those years ago, not to have children, ever. She said screw you, and did it anyway. My oldest niece was quite a miracle. She is a sweet girl, one that i feel quite sorry for now, ans she has many issues that I feel that my sister either isn't dealing with, or doesn't know how to deal with. I worry about her. My sister also has a baby-well now she's two and a half, and she is the sweetest little thing, she reminds me so much of my sister at that age, once again, the doctors told her not to, and she managed to have the most perfect little thing....I admire my sister in the way that she can do as she pleases, and it turns out okay for her, at least in the dept of having babies. But now she (they) are making decisions that I don't understand, and that's okay, I realize I don't need to, but they are moving away, (out of my house, remember? but that's not the issue)but according to my mom, they don't want to move, they have no where to go, they don't have any clue what school my oldest niece needs to go to, the niece is nearly suicidal because they are making her leave her school, friends and boyfriend....and they have no idea where they will live. Her husband has a really great job, and he was transferred, they gave him at least six months to find other employment or be prepared to go, so he has a job, but they have no house...and they have at least five dogs and a couple of cats, birds, etc, and I can't imagine they will be able to rent anything. I just don't get it. Their new city of residence will be about three hours away, it makes more sense to me that he go and start his job, find them a place to live, come home on the weekends, and move the family when things are settled. Apparently, she said no, he was not going alone. So, I don't know. The whole thing makes me really sad, I didn't see them much when things between us were good, they never asked us over or to to anything, but i would have them here, or we would be together at moms. In any event, I am sad today. I struggled with the whole birthday thing, I have never missed her birthday, but I am not in any way prepared to call her, and act as though things are great. They aren't. I am pissed about the whole house thing, she promised they would never leave us holding the bag on this deal, although I probably knew all this time they would. I am pissed because she is so self absorbed that she could give a crap about our aging mother, and that really hurts our mom, and i am pissed that no matter what the situation is, no matter how much it isn't about her, she is always the victim. I am totally fed up with all of it. But i am still sad about it. So I got her an amazon gift certificate, and had it sent online. At least I did something. I know it won't be the right thing, but it's better than doing nothing at all. Last year, on her birthday, we took their family to dinner at a restaurant where YS was working, and had a great time. That memory makes me even sadder. Happy Birthday, little sis.

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