Friday, November 03, 2006
Success in Life?
Friday morning already. I must admit, I am a little lost, not really knowing what to do with my time or myself. But I am certainly not complaining, it's just that I haven't had time off in so long (without being sick) that I am having a little trouble. I did some housework yesterday, and made muffins, did laundry, took a nap, we went out last night, it wasn't a good night, I should have stayed home, but that's how it goes. We did have fun, however, plus I knew we wouldn't be going tonight, as there is a benefit for the neighbor boy and i want to go to that. Sons are coming home, and will be here for the next couple of days, as the funeral is tomorrow morning. I won't go to that, but they feel it's important for them to go. The whole thing sucks, have I mentioned that? I really, really hate this town sometimes. When things like this happen, I really feel it. The young man that died, as I have said before, was ALWAYS in trouble, and this town looked down on him and his family for that. I know what that feels like, my sons has been in some trouble, and it gets really old. I know how it feels for people to talk behind your back. The year that I went through with my own sons taught me how that is. I often wanted to stand up in public and yell "IT WASN'T THE WAY THEY WERE RAISED!". Not that it would have helped, it would have only created more talk. However, I will bet my life that his funeral will be SRO, and I personally know of nearly fifty (50) young lives that have been altered (devastated) by this tragedy. SO the point I am making is this: When the lives of all of the "talkers, gossipers" is over, will their funerals be this huge of an event? I doubt that. This kid touched SO MANY lives. SO MANY. How can you be an all-bad person and have this kind of loyalty, this many friends? You can't. I HATE this town, have I mentioned that? I am looking forward to moving away, I want to be anonymous again. There have been times when I thought that raising a family in a small town atmosphere was the way to go, but that can backfire. I am not a talker, I am not a gossiper, frankly, I don't give a shit what others are doing, and I am so freakin' tired of being judged, when they don't know me at all. YS called me last evening, in tears, and it hurts so much not to be able to help him, to make sense of it all for him. He has such a huge heart, and he gets so involved with his friends. There is merit to being that way, it makes the highs in life so much higher, but my way is to keep them all at arms length, at least then, the pain is easier if things such as this happen. But that is years of learning to protect me, and I really don't think he will ever be that way. OS is like me, protect thy heart. For him, I would choose otherwise, he is young and has never really let anyone in, and he will miss out all his life if he doesn't take the risk. All i could say to my youngest is: always live each day like it will be your last, never take waking up in the morning for granted, keep those that matter close to you and let them know they matter every day. I asked him what he thought success in life meant, and he thought that it was how much money you made. I asked him to think about the apparent success that his friend had, and he didn't understand, he thought that due to his friends troubles, that perhaps his life had been a negative. I asked him to think about basing success in life on the number of people that cared about you, the number of lives that were touched by you, and he suddenly understood-his friend HAD been quite successful in life. Really successful. and he said that made him feel alot better, that he hadn't looked at it that way. I can't change any of it for any of them, but I do try to make them see things differently, hoping that their outlook can be positive, if there can be any positive in a tragedy such as this. It's hard being the mom sometimes, I certainly am expected to have the magic answers. I expect the next couple of day will be difficult, I'm not sure I am up to the task. I think I'd better locate my black cape and top hat. Hope your day is really great!