Sunday, October 08, 2006

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Sunday Morning. I like Sundays, but this am I am wondering what I should do. I would really like to go to church, and there is one in the town that I work in that i am going to visit soon. I haven't been to a church that fits me for more than 20 years. I have my own views about religion and Christianity, and most organized places of worship won't allow thinking outside the their box. However, I have heard things that are very positive about this one. I have got to make it a point to find out the details so that I can attend. perhaps next week? I want to find one that isn't so formal, that has great music, where people relax and have fun. My God is not scary, is not formal, and understands that humans need to feel comfortable in their worship. In the meantime, I have to color my hair, oh how I HATE that job. Of all the things that society expects (demands) of women, that is the worst. But I cannot let all the grey hang out, it is horrid. So that will be first on my list for today, after H Leaves for the salt mines of course, because I could never make him look at me with that stinky concoction on my head. SO hurry up H, I have to get on with my day.

Last evening was nice, we were home together, made dinner and watched a movie. I fell asleep of course, and missed the end. Thank Heaven for tivo, I watched it at midnight. It was really a disappointing end, i shouldn't have bothered. The Taladega race is on today, that will be good times. Only a few more weeks left in the nascar season, I am always lost when it is over. Os will be home today to do laundry, I am not cooking, he will have to have spaghetti from last night. I am cooking all day tomorrow for the- new menu items test- for Tuesday. I am really not looking forward to it, but I have got to get these things figured out, it will soon be the first of Nov. I want to take a long walk, this is supposed to be the last nice day for awhile. So much to do, so little time. I have about 6 new books sitting on the shelf waiting for me, I haven't read anything for about two months, surely not that long(?), most of the time I read at least one if not two new books a week. I suppose that's another symptom of my life, no time. That too, is going to change. I feel better since we at least have a plan, and while we don't really know the particulars yet, at least we are beginning to formulate a plan. Time, circumstance, and meant-to-be's will fill in the blanks. It is a little exciting to think that we may be living in another place within a year. In any event, we are going to be selling this place, and going somewhere else to live. It is not known yet if that will be in this general area, or in a whole new part of the country. I would love to leave the area, but I am not sure that is in the cards for us right now. H is undecided whether to purchase the place of business that he is running. If in fact, this is what he decides he wants to do, I can stay where I am employed, if not, the thought of doing something different is exciting. I have been where i am for nearly ten years, and while i can see myself staying there for another ten, I would be okay with something new. We have alot to do to this old house before we sell, and even that sounds a little fun. It really can't start until next month, when H will have more time to devote to it, because really, he will have to DO most of it.

I made an appt with my doctor for late Tuesday----I am putting alot of hope in it, I know there is a little pill that will help with what I know is depression. I don't expect that it will cure all of my life's problems, but I do expect that it will help me to see them more clearly, more positively. I have had to take them before, I don't know why i didn't realize that is what I need now. I am not one to give in to a drug, the very idea that I need one now is huge to me. I know myself well enough to know that I must be a mess or I wouldn't even consider it. I am so tired of feeling bad - mentally bad. I have had this chronic illness for more than 15 years, wouldn't you think that I would have figured out the current problem way before now? I have known that they systemic illness goes hand in hand with the emotional problems all this time. What was I thinking? Why has no one pointed this out to me? Because, of course, I haven't told anyone the problems that i have been having. A little to my mother, and over the course of the past few months, she has suggested that I may need some help. I didn't listen to her, of course. Who listens to their mother?

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