Saturday, October 07, 2006

A Revelation

You know, things happen unexpectedly. I can think that everything is going one way, then suddenly, it all becomes quite clear, and it isn't how I thought it was at all. That happened to me last night. Many things just got so CLEAR. Nothing is different, but I just understood. Now I have to do something about it. Actually, this has helped me in many ways. Seeing (in writing) my thoughts and feelings in words has really provided most of the clarity. I guess I had forgotten how that helped. But, the problem is, NOW i have to do something about it. That part is going to suck. I owe it to myself, and those that care about me. I even explained it all to H, and I realize he doesn't really get it, but he is trying. The question now is-what the hell do I do about all of it? I guess i start with doctor. oh how I hate that---hopefully they make a pill to correct this sort of thing. I don't know how I would explain it all to anyone, the very idea wears me all the way out. The one thing that I cannot believe that I didn't see is that all the things that I thought were the problems were merely SYMPTOMS of the real problem. Does that make me feel better? Maybe. I'll keep you posted.

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