Tuesday, October 03, 2006

My Snowman....

Five am on a brand new day. I think this one will be better, let's face it, could my attitude be much worse than yesterday? I am working on that. I know that complaining has never gotten me anywhere, and I've never really been one to do that, only to myself, only in a journal, only here. But I am finished with that now. Too much to do for wasting time whining. Besides, I really do know that things could be SO much worse, and I think God gets tired of listening to the negative all the time. I really don't need any more lessons on being positive, so I think I will practice what I already know and be grateful for all the good. And I DO have alot of good in my life.
D called me last night, just to talk, and she seems pretty good. I know there are still alot of things on her mind, and she is still sad, but I think she is basically okay. That's a relief. She seems to be trying to come up with alternative ways to afford her new life without a roommate. I hope she can, it would be hard for me to live with a stranger, and I know she is the same way.

I talked to OS on the phone for a few minutes, he hadn't gone to class, at least one of them but maybe more, I am worried that his grades are going to be bad, and he is WAY too smart for that, plus he's paying major dollars to go to this private college, and that just seems stupid to me, to take the time to GO to school, but not GIVE the time required to do well. But he is 22 years old, and I know it's his life.

I talked to YS on the phone for a short minute-at five in the am-and he seemed to be doing okay. He is at least going to work like he should, which is a major accomplishment, considering he didn't know that five o'clock came more than once a day. I am proud of him for that.

H got home before me last night, around 7:30, that's due to the shorter winter hours that just started. It was different, but better for him, I'm sure.

Had a funny dream, it made me sad, it was about my snowman (my wonderful, sweet, smelly little dog-a white sharpei-that died a year ago last march), it made me cry, I miss him more than I ever thought I could miss anyone. I really thought I would get over this sooner, but now I think I never will. He has left a hole in my heart as big as him. It's hard to believe that I could become so attached to an animal, but he honestly was like my child, he made this house a home, and it will never be the same. I don't talk much about him anymore, but he is always right there, in my thoughts, in my mind. He has to be in heaven. Otherwise, how could heaven be heaven for me if I can't see him when I get there?

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