Monday, October 02, 2006

a List of Positives

Another Monday. Another Fricken' Monday. They come around so fast anymore--a sign of old age, I'm told. It wasn't the best day (or night) yesterday, I was unable to do much, it hurt to move. It still does. I am tired of feeling bad, it does get old. Of having to watch what I do, or I won't be able to do something else. I am in no mood for work, but then, I rarely am lately. I did talk to or see all the kids yesterday, they all seem to be in relatively good shape. I was a bit harsh on OS, for no reason. He had done nothing, he was merely in the wrong place at the wrong time. Of all of them, i shouldn't treat him that way, he is the one that cares how i am, how I feel, what I am doing. I know the others care, but Ys only calls when he needs money or when he needs me to help him with something, like fix his car. I don't know about D yet, recently - before the split, i didn't hear from her much at all. I don't know what she will be like now. It has been nice to talk to her and see her more often, even if it has only been to take care of details on the move. In any event, I apologized for being such a bitch, he seemed to understand. My moods don't usually determine my actions with my kids, i try very hard not to take my day out on them. ( I usually save that for H, teehee). But when I do act like that with him, he can take it, he tries to understand, he doesn't make me feel like a monster.

I have alot to do today, at job #1. I have alot to do for job #2, but I can actually do it at the #1 place. I will have alot to do for job #2 all week, but I will only be there on Thursday this week. Sometimes my weeks look so overwhelming on Monday's that I just want to go back to bed and cover my head. This would be one of those days.

H had a long and hard day yesterday, he didn't expect to be that busy, and was not prepared for it. His job requires a crystal ball when it comes to scheduling and his crystal ball is on the fritz. I feel bad for him sometimes, he tries to get it right. His place of business is directly weather related, among other things, and who the hell can predict the weather a week from Sunday? It is UNUSUALLY warm for this time of year, so he was busy. I was unable to go help him, but I felt like I should have. Plus he was still worn out from the move the day before. He came home very tired last night,and he was way late. He is convinced he's losing his mind, I say welcome to the club. That has to do with a potential (serious) medical problem he is having, no one is really sure what is going on, although the dr's are trying to figure it out. Things just get really, REALLY crazy sometimes, and he forgets things. Important things. I don't know, I am trying not to make mountains out of molehills, I think we all forget things. If that is a sign of a problem, I have had it forever. He is just not accustomed to having to remember so much. I hope.

I guess I'd better get on with it. I am moving like a snail, hope I can make it through this day. I am trying to look for the positives this am: it will be a nice (hot) fall day, the sun will shine. The kids are all moved, that is all behind us. They all seem to be doing pretty good, no major troubles. I was a good girl all weekend long, didn't spend too much. I don't physically have to GO to job #2. All my employees should be back to work today, no one on vacation, so I can just worry about my own job. That's a pretty good list of positives. I am working on the attitude. Hope your list is as long.

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