Friday, September 22, 2006

Wiggle and Snap

I am heavy hearted this morning, I talked to D last night for a good while and she is sad and sorry. It' hurts me so bad to have to see her this way, but DAMN DAMN DAMN what the hell is she doing? As far as I know, this is her doing, she set the current path in her marriage. I don't know if she really is regretting her decisions or if she is just afraid to be alone. I wasn't particularly nice, I was honest with her. No intention of hurting her but trying to make her see herself the way others do. I am SO BAD at un-fixable situations, and I really cannot stand to see one of my kids hurting. If I could I sure would wiggle my nose or snap my fingers and make it all go away. But I haven't been able to take the hurt away since they were old enough to sit on my lap. I would give all that i have to go back to those days was so much simpler then, and I would take the time to enjoy each and every minute of this time around. To be so important to someone, to be a child's whole world, there is no greater feeling on this planet. (Unfortunately, most of us don't realize the gravity of the situation until it's long past. ) It hurts to watch them hurt. I have never been good at it. I know that experiencing life is the only way to grow and i don't want them to be emotionally immature, but just standing by and watching your own child's heart break is nearly more than I can bear. Regardless of the reason, or what brought it about. I have prayed all night that the two of them could talk it out, make one last attempt at putting it back together. I really, really love him, too. He's been such a part of this family for so long. Like one of mine, and the thought of losing him hurts like hell. In the end, I really do want what's best for both of them. I just cannot for the life of me understand that staying together isn't the best. Today is Friday, I have to work at the OTHER place of business from open to close. I am tired and still pretty sick although no longer on my death bed. I really am dreading this long, long day. And tomorrow, I get to help YS move. Yippee-in the rain. Can't wait. Should be one of the better weekends of my life. Til then....

No comments: