Thursday, September 21, 2006

I am simon....!?

You know, all that is happening in my life is really creating an overload. I just want a vacation. I want to go somewhere that my worries can't follow. I don't know that place. I've looked for it before, however, I really keep believing that when "insert event here" happens, the worries will be less. All my life I have waited for that. Now I can see that it makes zero difference. They are grown, should be able to take care of themselves, and they cannot. Or won't. I KNOW I gave then the correct tools to do that, good level heads to make decisions, I taught them that working hard is the key to success. I know that they learned that commitment is that - a commitment, and that if you make one, it is to be kept. I taught them to be honest, and to take care of those that need help, and most importantly, I know that I taught them to love. So what the hell is going on? HONESTLY, I didn't just tell them those things, I showed them how. By example. I certainly am not perfect, but i seriously spent time thinking about how my actions would be perceived by them, and acted accordingly. And yet, here I am taking in D, after what appears to be upcoming divorce #2. And i have bailed all of them out (figuratively and literally, unfortunately). Sons, anyway----bailed out, I mean. None of them can hang on to a dollar, although I have trouble with that these days, thanks to all the HELP required of me. This generation certainly puzzles me, good heavens-i sound like my grandmother-but it does. Too much, way too soon. And, for that I know I am the guilty one. Overindulgence, on many things. Always wanting to make up for the lack of interest on the part of their father. I never did succeed in that, by the way. And today, HE is the great parent. Just ask them.

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