Enough

I am extremely frustrated tonight. It has been a most trying day. I got out of bed this morning, late. Really late. If any of you know me at all, that is not my usual m.o. I am never asleep when the alarm goes off. I was completely out of it, staggering around like I had been on an all night bender, which I hadn't, as I was in bed before nine pm. I managed to get myself in the shower and out the door, just a few minutes late. Once there, the feelings did not get better --- I couldn't remember how to do a silly, stupid 941 payment for heaven's sake, something I have been doing for years. By ten, I was having heart palpitations, I was dizzy and couldn't make the room stop spinning. I knew I had to get out of there before I made a complete ass of myself by falling on my face. I drove home, which was not the smartest thing I have ever done, but I made it in one piece. I have spent the rest of the day sitting on my butt. I am mad, this is stupid and obviously this medication is not for me. I am so sick of this, I am sick of feeling bad, I am sick of trying to "make it" just one more day. Why can't I just feel well enough to live? I don't want a damned crazy-busy life, but I do want to be able to work, and still have some sort of energy when the day is over. I haven't been out of this apartment in weeks, other than going to work. And now, I have missed almost a full days work, and that is not good. Heaven knows what those people think, I have not shared any of this with them, other than trying to explain to the girls in my office today. UGH. Dammit all. UGH. So now I am back to square one, trying to manage without any medications, and the pain and weakness shows no sign of letting up. Seriously, I need a break. Seriously.

Sorry for venting here, but there are few I can complain to. Later.