Yet another storm brewing outside my windows. I am beginning, like many parts of the country, to wonder if building an ark is becoming necessary. It seems that everyone, everywhere, has unusual weather this spring and summer. Enough rain already.
I am still in pain today, my lower back seems to have frozen up for the most part, and moving causes great shooting pains down my right leg. The little pink and large white pills allow me to get around-minimally. Something other than covering it up has to be done though, and soon. The injections that I was scheduled to get in my neck have been denied by the insurance company. My doctor is still arguing that fact, but it has left me in limbo again. I have no idea what the next course of action should be, but I do know I am fed up with all of it. There have been some pretty low times recently. I cannot imagine living this way for the rest of my days - generally thought to be another thirty or so years. Seriously, I cannot do that. My options of course are few - if any, but there has to be some kind of answer somewhere. I am taking a huge amount of narcotics. Any amount is too much, as far as I am concerned, but let me tell you - pain of this kind causes even me to run for the medicine bottle as soon as the time has come. I live my life by the hours between doses. I know that this will be a future problem, no one can take these kinds of drugs without having issues from the drug itself. However, that is the least of my problems for now. I am grateful for them, otherwise working and living at all would be out of the question. And once again, I am sorry for the whining here, but my life has boiled down to one pill or two? To know me is to know that. I am sad about it, but pain has a way of changing every little thing about a person.
Since I promised you all the "good news" that has changed my life, I suppose it IS time to tell you that Mark and I have reconciled. We are still married since we never got around to getting to the attorneys, but now we are married in the true sense of the word, once again. We have honestly and truly worked out 95% of our problems and we will be moving back into one residence in September, when our leases are up. I am feeling quite happy about it, as is he. Apparently, we are meant to be together as both of us have had every opportunity to be with anyone else, and yet here we both are. I met and dated a couple of very decent, good men---but it just wasn't "right", you know? And he didn't see anyone, not once in the two years we have been separated. Neither of us could find our way, and circumstances and feelings and other things just kept putting us right back where we were. I began to listen to my inner voice and God, and I knew the path I was following was wrong. I am quite happy about it, and I am ecstatic to know that I do not have to be alone, not when I don't want to. I love living alone, but that will be worked out. He understands my need to be alone from time to time and lets me be me. That is all anyone can ask, at least in my opinion. I will never understand why he would choose to be with a sick old hag like me, but I am finished questioning it. I have the answers that matter. I am grateful, I am happy, and I am hopeful. Now, I just want so much to feel better...but at least, if I should be left this way for the rest of my life, he understands and will be there for me. Our anniversary was this past week: fifteen years. :)
I am happy it is the weekend, I have things I need to do. I didn't make it to work yesterday---oh how I hate missing work due to my issues. I was at least caught up there - but I hate being gone. I am very lucky that I have bosses that understand, and I know they believe that I would be there if at all possible. It was totally impossible yesterday. Heaven knows I push myself every day, if I missed work every time I felt bad I would never, ever be there. Sometimes I just can't do it, though and that frustrates me so much. I often worry that I won't be able to work at all soon---but I cannot believe it will get that bad, even though my body tells me otherwise.
So, time to get my big butt up and do some things that have needed doing all week. Certainly I will be more capable than yesterday --- I wish you could have all seen the mess I had on my beautiful wood kitchen floor when I dumped my whole, huge salad, lite ranch dressing side down, of course. It's amazing how much grease is in that - if that is lite, how much oil is in the regular? My hand just quit - it was there and then it wasn't -- I had no feeling in it at all, suddenly. That is not good when you are carrying a salad. And not just any salad --- but a "big salad"...LOL (Seinfeld). Even though I did my best to clean that mess up then, my back would not allow me to do a very good job--what I managed made me cry, but I have got to get that mess really cleaned today..
Happy Saturday. Happy Me. I'm out. :)