Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Jamie

I had this whole, long "I am Jamie, and this is what makes me--ME"  blog post written in my head - and have been working on it, mentally---for a couple of days. It was supposed to be a snap to get it here, in the little bloggy box. Only one problem - putting it together in my head left me sad and depressed and I realized....too much truth is not necessarily a good thing. I am me - and have become me by what I was born into, the genes I was lucky - or unlucky enough to to receive, and what I have lived. My depression came from a combination of both, I think. I have rarely talked or written completely of my past, and realize this morning that while at some point I may, it just doesn't serve any positive purpose. So, I am me - Jamie. And I am made of things that came before me, and things I lived after. Like Popeye the Sailor man---"I am what I am". While I continually strive for better than before, I have no control over what I was born with, or into--good (and there was a lot of that) or bad. I make each day as positive as I can, and really --- what else matters?

In other news --

I have been so busy at work. We are selling cars like crazy and that is a great thing. I like being busy but it has been so much so that I feel like I cannot get caught up. Taking last Friday off didn't help, but I needed it and I accomplished much of what was needed so- it was worth it.

I have been feeling pretty down, mentally. Not particularly normal for me, at least if you ask me. There has been a bit more drama than I care to live around me, some of which even involved me. I cannot deal with it - refuse to, but sometimes it hits you right smack in the face and there I was. It has taken me a bit to get over it, and still some things on the fringe cries out with the D word. I hate it. I cannot handle it. It brings me down. At times I get a bit pissy with the actions of others, and occasionally with my own...enough said. Enough all around, and I am working on my own attitude. A big job.

Depression brings out the pain - or the pain brings out the depression...either way, it hurts. Enough said about that, too. Yes, I am taking medications that make all of it better..

Have a great Tuesday. I'm gone.  :)

7 comments:

welcome to my world of poetry said...

I enjoyed reading, Depression can hit anyone, I have had a few health issues which have really scared me but I do try to put it to the back of my mind......easier said than done but I think I'm getting there,
Yvonne.

Jules said...

Hey J... You know I started taking antidepressants recently. Never thought I'd succumb to pharmacuticals.... but I feel pretty great these days.

Maybe?? it's a good idea? .....J

Ruth said...

Blogging should make you feel good or better anyway. If it feels bad to share it in public blog than don't.

dana said...

It's all chemical. Things can TIP us in the direction of depression, but once those chemicals tilt the wrong way, we're doomed. No matter what.

I finally realized I don't do anything to get depressed any more than I do something that successfully pulls me out of it.

It hits. I'm down for the count.

Lena said...

Sorry you are feeling down. Hope things turn around for you, and SOON!

Great news that you have been selling cars! Good for the economy.

Coffeypot said...

We all are made up by our past, some genes, but mostly just the life we lived. But I cannot ignore the stupid shit around me. I jump in with both feet. I am not hit cold with anything, sometimes I help, other times I make it worse. Buy I cannot ignore. Even my depression bouts I attack. I will not let the ‘dark’ take control. I am not a control freak, I just want things my way. :)

Leann said...

It's good to hear that the economy is picking up enough that people are investing in cars. It would be interesting to hear if they are trading in not so economical cars for ones that are more so, or vice versa.