Saturday, October 31, 2009


My week has been okay if you don't count the pain I have been in all week long, and I don't. I managed to work every day, but found myself hurrying home to the pills to quiet the throbbing and buzzing in my legs, lounging on my heat pad every evening to calm my back. One thing is for sure, it does not bother me to be too poor to go anywhere or do anything as long as my health is this bad. I have no desire to leave my house once I arrive here in the evenings.

I found myself missing my sisters. They were here from Thursday to Sunday last weekend, and we had a blast. We are easy to entertain, my sis's and I...we didn't do much, hardly went anywhere. But our bodies were sore from laughing....I have to say: there is no one in my life that makes me laugh the way they do. We can laugh over the silliest things. We also can take some of the saddest/worst memories in our lives and make them funny. We make fun of each other until we could cry...and yet, the love is always there.

As I grow older, I realize that I don't tell most of what goes on in my life, and certainly not what goes on in my head, ever. I blog for all the world to read my life, if anyone feels inclined to do so, but the real things, the important things - I don't put here for the world to see. I can only surmise that life has taught me to protect myself, and I do. But with my "girls", I can be completely ME. As sad and screwed up as I am, they love me anyway. Do you all know what a feeling that is? I am loved, NO MATTER WHAT, by these two. They understand my fears, my tears, my feelings, my elation's, my everything. I could honestly confess that I had murdered someone, and the BOTH of them would tell me how poor of a decision that was, and in the next breath, they would ask how to help hide the body. Seriously.

My older sis - by six years - Trav, is the most positive, caring, uplifting person I have ever met. She is a true christian, a believer in God---loves her God, her sons, her husband of more than thirty years, her life, her kitty, her family, her friends. And she has tons of friends. She has her quirks and issues, her trials and tribs of course, but she has her head together. She enjoys every day of her life, it shows on her face. She has not always been down the path she is on now, and she uses her past lessons in life for the good of others. I can tell her anything. ANYTHING. She understands. She believes in ME. I thought she was the smartest, most beautiful girl EVER, growing up. She stand about 4'11", is blonde, with our mom's dark brown eyes. I wanted to BE her as a kid. You all know I am the giant in the family, 5'8"--dark hair, green eyes...I often wondered if I was adopted. We spent our early years living in constant turmoil and that alone can create a bond that few can understand.

Our younger sis - by ten years from my age, and sixteen years from Trav's--is Shell. Her first name is Gina, but she goes by her middle name, Shell. She is dark like me, but also has our mom's smoldering eyes. She is the one with the curves--well boobs. She has had the hugest boobs since she was in the fifth grade, when she came running out to the car after school - and I rudely told her never, ever to run again...and she has not let me forget I said that. And I don't think she ever has run again, to be honest. Shell was the mom's little angel as a baby...ugh. Little turd is what she was, but sweet---oh so sweet, seriously. The kind of person that makes you wonder if she goes home and kicks the dog...because no one is that frickin' nice. But she is, and no--she doesn't kick the dog. In fact, she takes in strays and has a gazillion dogs and cats and birds and a whole zoo, living with her. She makes me laugh like no one on this earth can. We get started and cannot stop. Literally. She was the light of our moms life, and still remains that for me to this day.

Each of us look completely different, in size, in weight, in coloring. And yet, all of our lives, people have said that we look alike. The same smile, they have all said. It had to come from our mom, as each of us have different fathers. We grew up in different "shifts" in our home, due to the age difference. Trav got the worst of things, she was the first. I, being in the middle, learned a bunch from Trav and her mouth---oh her mouth back then, it was her worse enemy. I learned to keep my trap shut, and still do. Then mom's little darling came along...and our lives had changed dramatically by then, those were the good years. Trav moved on to her own life, and Shell and I had a pretty normal upbringing by then. As a result, we all have different memories, Trav's are somewhat suppressed and that's probably a good thing, I remember both lives, and Shell mostly knew the good. And yet, that has brought the three of us closer. All of us loved our mother. Fiercely. We still do. But we are still getting to know her, after she is gone. Even though we had our issues, one thing is for sure....our mother managed to raise three really good girls, and that's saying something.

I was sorry to see my best friends leave on Sunday. I am not one to have people in my face, ever. But if there was ever anyone I would want there - it would be those two.

My Trav and Shell.


Lena said...

How wonderful you feel that way about your sisters. It is a true blessing!

Jules said...

Hi Jamie!

I love reading aout the love you have for family. I don't have that kind of bond with siblings, but always fantasized about having a sister. Thank you for sharing them with us.


Cheryl said...

You guys have something rare. To feel that much love for your sisters is such a wonderful, heartwarming thing. I'm so thankful that you have them in your life. It surely must help balance out the bad stuff. Can you see them more often?

Gypsy said...

I'm mostly just blog reading at the moment due to a lack of time and energy but I just HAD to comment on this Jamie. What a truly beautiful heart warming post about a rare love and bond between 3 sisters. You deserve something that good and special in your life.

Mary said...

I was really late to realize you are back. I'm really glad that you are! I read most of your "back posts" and semi-caught up. Lots happened while I was out of touch. You've come a long way. I'm happy to know that you and Mark are still friends and I hope time will bring you together again.

This post is an unbelievable tribute to your sisters. I'm sure Trav and Shell will treasure these heartfelt words.

Here's to a comfortable day for you.

Leann said...

Jamie ~ This post moved me to tears...literally. I have a very strong bond with my younger sister however, the oldest one, there was a lot of conflict there. She was the pretty, smart, popular one and I was not. I am still trying to repair that rip in our lives. She does not make it easy but I am determined :-)

This was a loving tribute to three wonderful people. You are blessed.

Hugz to you my dear.

Leann said...

Jamie ~ Can you believe it's November??!! I can't. Time is happening much too quickly. I remember making promises to myself about what I would accomplish this year....let me think....have I accomplished them....ummm....I think that's a NO. Oh well.

I hope your week is blessed and the pain gods release their hold on you :-) Be blessed.

Bina said...

Thank you so much for your comments. For some reason, your words mean more to me than anyone else's. Sounds like maybe you have been somewhere close to what I'm going through and those are the people that can help me the most.

I have pictures of the truck on my blog. Still can't believe someone didn't die.

Bina said...

That is so very sweet! I long to have that type of relationship with someone. My story of my sisters, brother, and parents is long, confusing (even to me) and too hard to tell correctly. I envy you for having such a loving, close relationship with your sisters, but I'm so very happy for you, too.

What type of back pain do you have? Mine has been hurting for a week, gradually getting worse and spreading up my spine and is now in my hip as well. All on the right side. I don't know how you live with the pain, cause mine is driving me freaking nuts. I can't even walk standing up, I'm all bent over!

Moohaa said...

A beautiful tribute to your sisters. Really warms my heart.

My best friend is Roggie. It's with him that I am truly and utterly me. There is no one, not even family members that I can say that about.

I'm so glad you have them.

I hope your pain eases. Living around your pain is a crappy way to live. I know that for a fact. I would be loving writing my new novel more if my back and hand pain weren't so bad.


Travie said...

Gosh, that made me cry. I had no idea that all of us are that I might get an "attitude"!! No, seriously, we are so blessed to have one another and the older we get the more we love each other. we do love to laugh - Jam, you will always be my partner - my other half as we survived so so much when we were young and most of all you never ratted me out for so many things you saw - I still owe ya!! You are the best sister and Shell and i both love you so much. How you see you and how God and the rest of us see you are two different things. You are an amazing woman and we both feel blessed to have you as our sister...we talked about that after we were back. We both loved our time together. You are will need to be more often. Like I said we are very blessed..i am so glad we all have each other. I love you my little bigger ( taller- I am bigger) sister!! xoxoxo