Thursday, September 17, 2009

Back up and running

My desktop is hooked up once again, and even if it does seem to be running slow, things are right with the world once again.

Moving has worn this tired, old body all the way out, but I have to tell you that walking into my apartment each evening makes me feel like I have won the lottery. Not because of the apartment exactly, but because it is all mine, it is waiting only for me, and no one else. I am going to assume that sounds really stupid, but it's the truth. I look forward to the solitude of being here by myself. I am happy to do what I want, when I want, without considering what others want from me. I am ashamed to admit that but it is the solid truth. So far, it has not exactly been that simple...but I am working on that part. I actually hope that feeling wears off soon, as I don't think it's necessarily good for me or healthy to feel that way, so I do hope that I become lonely or wanting or something. But for now, it's all good.

I am pretty much settled but I have a few loose ends to tie up and a couple of lost things..hopefully they will turn up at Marks place, but so far no. I packed 99 percent of our belongings, but cannot tell you where or what box I put them in. This place is a dream for me, and I can't wait to post pictures here, but it will have to wait until the weekend. The stairs are a challenge for me in my current condition but I will get used to having them again. The kitties love running up and down again, but I am afraid that's about all they love regarding the move. They are upset---presumably because they miss Mark, although he visits them each day. I have a ledge running around my bedroom that looks out over the first floor, about twenty-five feet (?) below, and they both have been caught sitting there. That REALLY worries me, good heavens, if one of them falls...I fear coming home and finding a broken kitty. Cats just don't learn to mind, not like dogs. I KNOW they run for the ledge when I leave each morning. I know that everyone says cats can fall and land on their feet but that's a long way to fall and my portly, short-legged Meisha is just not that graceful. Ugh.

Mark has been so good to me, so helpful with everything here, that I know his own place has suffered as a result. I have felt bad to let him do it all, but seriously, who else can help me? That's what I know he is thinking, too. So, he has done it all. But it mostly is done now. I know he feels strange with the current arrangement, but I am hoping that it becomes easier for him and also for me. I have told him he needs to find something (or someone) that will make him happy, as he has not been honestly happy with me or anything else about his life for literally years.

Enough rambling...I'm off to start my day. Happy Thursday! :)


Cheryl said...

Happy Thursday!

Rest your back. Go home after work and enjoy your new home. I can't wait to see the pictures.

Golden To Silver Val said...

oh I EVER understand how you feel....and NO, it won't go away and its NOT a bad thing. (see, there's that guilt thing again!) We have given of ourselves to everyone else the majority of our its our turn. I think its a Pisces thing, dear friend. ENJOY it. Can't wait to see the pics! xo


Self care self care self care! You deserve it, so don't feel guilty coming home and looking forward to coming home to just you and your world. Self care! it's how healing starts and knowledge is gained.

Thinking of you!!

Brad said...

I remember (long ago) what it was like to walk back into home and find everything exactly where you left it and no mess that's not your own to clean up - it is a great feeling! - Hope your doing good love! - XO-B

SOUL: said...

glad it's over -- the move i mean. i don't think anything tops that list. ugh.
here's to new beginnings!

Leann said...

Happily no one and nothing can make us happy. That is within us always. Sometimes we just have to find it.

I don't believe your feelings are unhealthy at this stage in the game. Once you settle in and get used to your current life you will find areas where that you would change. Enjoy the peace.