Friday, November 28, 2008

One Down...

One holiday down, one to go.

It was a different Thanksgiving for Mark and I, we spent the day alone (with two cats and one crazy dog) and it was okay. Due to circumstances and plans made before my mom died, the kids had plans to spend the day with their father and I had originally planned to have my whole extended family here, on another day this weekend, when we could all get together. Then mom died, and the plans changed to no one coming -- like sisters, since they had made so many trips just recently and truthfully, we were doing it for mom in the first place. I had already invited mom and Richard, of course so, Richard was still planning on being here, but he cancelled the day before...due to circumstances beyond his control (and mostly because I really think he wanted to ignore the first holiday after mom is gone, and I can't say I blamed him). So...that left Mark and I here, along with a 18.76 pound bird. I did the whole deal, although the idea wasn't one that excited me, but I made the stuffing, the pies, the cake, the potatoes and gravy. The dinner was good and I was sort of on auto pilot, just trying hard NOT to feel anything. It worked okay. The kids all came later in the day and evening, sort of in shifts and ate leftovers. It was a day I just wanted to get through. Sadly, Thanksgiving has always been my favorite, but it will take some time before I feel that way again. And if I wanted to admit the honest truth, I would have to tell you that I think I would feel sad this year regardless of mom...I mean, our futures -- mine and Marks' are sort of looking bleak right now, and something that just dawned on me recently--I would be sad this holiday no matter what, as much as I love my apartment, and you all know I do, I have to admit that it doesn't really "FEEL" right this year, my home that have held so many wonderful holidays, the kitchen that used to smell so good...the space for the "good" dishes, the holiday music blasting and dueling with the football games...those days are gone. It is an okay change, but it will take some getting used to. My life has changed forever, and they are mostly changes made by me, but still changes. Time to regroup, time to recover, time to rethink, and I will be better.

Black Friday...I am sitting here, watching cars pull up at Target and it is currently 4:58 am. I can think of nothing that would cause me to get up and out at this hour...and certainly never to shop. Well, maybe I should take that back -- once when Janelle was little, there was a doll craze, and she absolutely HAD to have that Cabbage Patch doll. I did everything under the sun to get her one, and that included standing in line in the freezing temperatures at this hour to have it. We did get it for her by the way, and so did her other grandma, so she ended up having TWO that year...

Happy Weekend Friends. :)

14 comments:

jyankee said...

It's still too early to "forget" and to get things back to "normal", not that they ever will...but that is not a "bad" thing...things take time, and one never gets over something like that...one just learns how to deal with it. Still... I wish you and Mark and all the rest of your loved ones a Happy Thanksgiving...wishing I was back in the US to celebrate too!

Smocha said...

Ditto what she said :)

It felt totally weird here, to do all that work and make that huge mess just for hubs and I . Frankly ,it wasn't worth it!He sort of agreed and
I'm shooting for restaurant food for Christmas.

You need a whole new year girl :) And luckily ,it's almost here.

Those cabbage patch dolls were the ugliest things.

I get to go face the masses soon just because I am nearly out of cigarettes. ack!

(((hugs)))

Cheryl said...

I was thinking about you yesterday. Everyone has such expectations for the holidays and it's so much pressure. You got through the day, and it's a new one today. Aren't you glad you're inside watching the crowd from your comfortable home? Not the home you once loved, but one that's right for you now. Think about the snow you won't be shoveling! Have the best Friday you can!

Raine said...

Holidays are rough after the loss of a loved one. I think its ok to feel different or to feel sad. Afterall, we miss them and there is a hole left when they go. You have been thru so much this year.... (((((((((Jamie))))))))

desert dirt diva said...

we went to my sisters and usaully shdoes everything and she did this year, except her broken arm made things a little rough,but everything was great.. the tree its cute...my mom used to have a prelit tree and they are pretty... we will be getting out tree in a couple of weeks..and yes my daughter had the cabbage dolls herself...i still have one of them

ac said...

It's understandable it would a rough Thanksgiving for you after a year of big changes and your recent loss.

Thank Goodness our minds are constructed in a manner that diminishes our emotional pain over time. If we held all the pain in our lives as fresh as the day we first felt it, no one could stand it. I know I couldn't. It will get easier Jamie. I promise. xoxo

Hit a snafu and had to go away for a bit. I'll be back or you will get an invite. I could never leave you behind. :)

SOUL: said...

you've been on my mind---
hoping you feel more at home for Christmas.
it will be a better day-- just watch-

Kelly Jene said...

After my loss (fiance) it took months before I felt any semblance of normal. Keep talking, it helps.

Big hugs to you, sweet friend.

Romany Angel said...

I was thinking of you and imagining you feeling exactly the way you did about it all. Changes of any kind are so difficult to come to terms with but eventually we always seem to. Hopefully Christmas will be better especially if you have more of the family around you.

Roll on the new year I say.

Maria said...

I'm sorry to see you go. Is everything okay?

Cheryl said...

Please stay in touch. I can't just let you go like that :(

Summer said...

:-(

M Chickk said...

I've just now had time to catch up on you and I am really sorry to see you go. I sure hope you will drop in from time to time. About the holidays, well, they will be tough, no doubt, but the first few will be the worst. I never thought we would be able to talk about my dad without breaking down but eventually a time comes when you can remember and laugh about the good times. I hope you will find that to be true too someday.

take care. You will be missed,

Mel

Amanda said...

(((((((((Jamie))))))))))

I wish it didn't have to be this way.

But I understand.

Still, it's hard.

I hope things will soon turn around for all of you.