One holiday down, one to go.
It was a different Thanksgiving for Mark and I, we spent the day alone (with two cats and one crazy dog) and it was okay. Due to circumstances and plans made before my mom died, the kids had plans to spend the day with their father and I had originally planned to have my whole extended family here, on another day this weekend, when we could all get together. Then mom died, and the plans changed to no one coming -- like sisters, since they had made so many trips just recently and truthfully, we were doing it for mom in the first place. I had already invited mom and Richard, of course so, Richard was still planning on being here, but he cancelled the day before...due to circumstances beyond his control (and mostly because I really think he wanted to ignore the first holiday after mom is gone, and I can't say I blamed him). So...that left Mark and I here, along with a 18.76 pound bird. I did the whole deal, although the idea wasn't one that excited me, but I made the stuffing, the pies, the cake, the potatoes and gravy. The dinner was good and I was sort of on auto pilot, just trying hard NOT to feel anything. It worked okay. The kids all came later in the day and evening, sort of in shifts and ate leftovers. It was a day I just wanted to get through. Sadly, Thanksgiving has always been my favorite, but it will take some time before I feel that way again. And if I wanted to admit the honest truth, I would have to tell you that I think I would feel sad this year regardless of mom...I mean, our futures -- mine and Marks' are sort of looking bleak right now, and something that just dawned on me recently--I would be sad this holiday no matter what, as much as I love my apartment, and you all know I do, I have to admit that it doesn't really "FEEL" right this year, my home that have held so many wonderful holidays, the kitchen that used to smell so good...the space for the "good" dishes, the holiday music blasting and dueling with the football games...those days are gone. It is an okay change, but it will take some getting used to. My life has changed forever, and they are mostly changes made by me, but still changes. Time to regroup, time to recover, time to rethink, and I will be better.
Black Friday...I am sitting here, watching cars pull up at Target and it is currently 4:58 am. I can think of nothing that would cause me to get up and out at this hour...and certainly never to shop. Well, maybe I should take that back -- once when Janelle was little, there was a doll craze, and she absolutely HAD to have that Cabbage Patch doll. I did everything under the sun to get her one, and that included standing in line in the freezing temperatures at this hour to have it. We did get it for her by the way, and so did her other grandma, so she ended up having TWO that year...
Happy Weekend Friends. :)