Friday, September 19, 2008

I have no idea what day this is...

Ventilator is now out, and that must indicate at least some improvement. However, going by looks alone, she is not doing well. I swear she must have lost fifteen pounds these past couple of weeks...and that would put her around a huge 85 pounds if I am correct. She is small and frail and oh-so-sick, but not so much so that as soon as she could speak she told the world and signed the papers that she will never go through that again. A do not resuscitate is now on order, so you all know, like me, that this is just a matter of time. I look at her and try to memorize every detail now, as I am certain that this time will be my last opportunity. This is no way for her to have to live...and it tears me up every time I see her.

A child of mine dropped a bombshell on me this past week... I cannot elaborate but suffice it to say that it raised the stress level in my body to past mach 1...as if I needed any help in that area. Not my business to tell, but you all will find out soon enough.

Still looking for an apartment for the middle one...it has taken way more time than it should but I think today will be the day. He did find steady employment yesterday, so that was one tiny thing that made me feel somewhat better.

Do you all remember when I was merely worried about what job I should take?

12 comments:

Summer said...

Yep. I sure do.
Thinking about you.

Terri said...

hopefully the sun shines bright in your part of the world today. Job - so what, who cares, you have more important fish to fry.

Smocha said...

yes, I remember. If there's one thing we can count on in life ,it's the knowledge that nothing ever stays the same.
Thank God you are one of the people who is extremely good at rolling with the punches.

(((hugs)))

Teena in Toronto said...

Sounds like you have a lot on the go ... I hope life settles down.

Happy blogoversary!

Cheryl said...

Breathe in, breathe out. Do what you can. And remember when you were 'merely' worried about a job. Better days will come. Change is one thing that's certain. Sorry :(

fiwa said...

Wrapping you in hugs.
All my love,
fiwa

desert dirt diva said...

yes i do, anyways so sorry you now have all this to add to your list of stress.. isn't wonderful, right when we think our stress can't get any worse, one of our children seem to add to that last bit of sanity..gotta love them tho...grrrrrrrrr

Mary said...

I fully support "do not resuscitate" The things the medical community can do to keep you on this earth looks like hell to me. I know it's hard for you and that you just can't bear to think about not having your mother. I still miss mine, but like you, I understood how hard life became for her. I send love and prayers for the both of you.

It's really true - when you raise a child you've been over some rough roads. When you see them grown the heartache begins. We can't fix their problems so we suffer with them.

SOUL: said...

ox

M Chickk said...

Well, the fact that the ventilator came out is at least a sign she has improved. Keeping you all in my prayers.

Raine said...

I'm reading your last few blogs thinking "when it rains it pours" doesnt really apply to you. I think you get hurricanes. I'm gonna do my version of praying that you get a nice long time of peace and contentment in your life.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

the balance of passing and new life breathing---remarkable how the stress of both sides of lifes spectrum can be so dreadful.

Hang in there! I see good and I see really really REALLY Good for you, your husband and your children-bonehead and all! :)


sometimes bombshells help rid the ground of all other drama--and now, a clean ground to till and move forward..better them to drop a bomb then you to, right? :)

HUGS BACK!!

:)me