Wednesday, July 30, 2008


I am, once again, looking for a job. Yes---I know, I can't believe I just wrote that, either. I have no idea what is the problem with me, but I cannot find what I'm looking for, I have no idea what I'm looking for. I am about as disgusted with myself as anyone can be, but that does not change the fact that I could not make myself do that job. So, here I am, back at square one, once again. I am ashamed of myself and my feelings, and have no idea where to turn next. I am watching our savings balance go south, and still, I am out here wavering like a juvenile. I keep telling myself that the right thing will make it's presence known, but so far, I have literally HAD to have both of the really good jobs I have quit, and still --- I am so far away from knowing what to do that if the perfect solution came up and hit me in the back of the head, I would not recognize it. When you all talk to the man upstairs today, mention me, will ya? Tell Him that I cannot make an intelligent decision and that He needs to make it for me...

In the meantime, Trav is here and it's been wonderful. No matter how stupid and juvenile I am acting, she makes me feel like it's all okay. We had a great day yesterday, really doing little, out to lunch here in the area with Jordy, and then my little Steph came over after she got off work. Today, Trav and I are driving down to see our Mom, it's been too long since I have seen her, although Trav has seen her plenty recently. It will be good.

On Monday, our little sister, Shell - and family, Rob, Carli, and Alex came to visit. They were only here for the day, but it was so wonderful to see all of them. Carli has become my buddy and if I had the opportunity to see her more often, she would be very close to her Aunt Jamie. I cannot believe that she will be four in about two weeks. All I can say is she is so very yummy...and Alex has become the sweetest, most beautiful girl - she is seventeen already, good heavens where has the time gone?

I have lost nearly ten pounds since I have moved here, at first---unknowingly--from all the walking that living here requires, but more recently, from all the walking that I am doing intentionally. I am in a LOT of pain, but no more than I would be if I weren't walking, it's just a different kind of pain. I continue to hope that pushing myself will help in the long run, maybe get me back to a better place pain-wise. I have not been able to do this for the past couple of years, and I have to admit, it feels pretty great. Since my surgery last December, getting to this point has been excruciatingly painful, but still...I hope in the long run, it will help. Time will tell.

So that's it for now, and again - there has been so much going on in my life, in my head...and all I can do is pray that I get the latter screwed back on (lefty loosey...righty tighty...)in a righty tighty manner. Right now, it's wavering in between the two.

Happy Wednesday friends.



SOUL: said...

i'm first!
it's all comin together ... Gods timing.. remember?
i'm tellin ya-- good things are comin your way-- hang in there-- you'll see.


Summer said...

I understand exactly about the job situation. I'm still mulling this offer over. I guess it will come down to the cash offer.

Mary said...

Decisions are sometimes overwhelming. It's never easy to find a job that is comfortable. It will happen, though. Meantime enjoy Trav and concentrate on happy thoughts. I'll certainly include you in my prayers.

The Real Mother Hen said...

I'm keeping you in my prayer.
Hang in there my friend, things will be sorted out and you will be fine.

Golden To Silver Val said...

These are bad times and looking for a job during them is even worse. Both of your other jobs depended upon someone BUYING something and right now, not many are buying because finances are so unreliable. I can't believe the businesses that are closing and the people that are getting the dreaded pink slips. I still think you could find something in it your local county, city, or township. I just keep getting a feeling about that. Have you checked it out? Our government retirement systems are wonderful.
Have fun with Trav and give Mom a hug from me. Just like Soul says...its coming together and you'll have the right job soon. Hugs, Charlotte

fiwa said...

Have fun with Trav and try not to worry about the job thing. It will happen when it's supposed to happen.

Hi Trav!

I'll say a prayer for you.
all my lovins,

Brad said...

Yeah, What all them said. You know we love ya. I'll say a special prayer for ya !

Cheryl said...

I think you have a lot of courage. You're willing to walk away from what you know is the wrong job before you get in any deeper. It will come, Jamie. Three's the charm?

Mel Chickk said...

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with the job search but there is something worse than having no job and that is having a job that you HATE!! I give you credit for quitting. I stayed 7 years in a job I hated. Thats 7 years of misery just because I was afraid to quit! Keep looking. Your job is out there. In the mean time, enjoy the time you have with your family!

I'll put you on the prayer list. Take care.

Terri said...

Great news on the weight loss - keep it up! I'm sure the job uncertainty comes from you being in a job for a long time with a lot of responsibility and "rocking" it, it might be hard to find a replacement for that, but it's out there, good luck!