I am, once again, looking for a job. Yes---I know, I can't believe I just wrote that, either. I have no idea what is the problem with me, but I cannot find what I'm looking for, I have no idea what I'm looking for. I am about as disgusted with myself as anyone can be, but that does not change the fact that I could not make myself do that job. So, here I am, back at square one, once again. I am ashamed of myself and my feelings, and have no idea where to turn next. I am watching our savings balance go south, and still, I am out here wavering like a juvenile. I keep telling myself that the right thing will make it's presence known, but so far, I have literally HAD to have both of the really good jobs I have quit, and still --- I am so far away from knowing what to do that if the perfect solution came up and hit me in the back of the head, I would not recognize it. When you all talk to the man upstairs today, mention me, will ya? Tell Him that I cannot make an intelligent decision and that He needs to make it for me...
In the meantime, Trav is here and it's been wonderful. No matter how stupid and juvenile I am acting, she makes me feel like it's all okay. We had a great day yesterday, really doing little, out to lunch here in the area with Jordy, and then my little Steph came over after she got off work. Today, Trav and I are driving down to see our Mom, it's been too long since I have seen her, although Trav has seen her plenty recently. It will be good.
On Monday, our little sister, Shell - and family, Rob, Carli, and Alex came to visit. They were only here for the day, but it was so wonderful to see all of them. Carli has become my buddy and if I had the opportunity to see her more often, she would be very close to her Aunt Jamie. I cannot believe that she will be four in about two weeks. All I can say is she is so very yummy...and Alex has become the sweetest, most beautiful girl - she is seventeen already, good heavens where has the time gone?
I have lost nearly ten pounds since I have moved here, at first---unknowingly--from all the walking that living here requires, but more recently, from all the walking that I am doing intentionally. I am in a LOT of pain, but no more than I would be if I weren't walking, it's just a different kind of pain. I continue to hope that pushing myself will help in the long run, maybe get me back to a better place pain-wise. I have not been able to do this for the past couple of years, and I have to admit, it feels pretty great. Since my surgery last December, getting to this point has been excruciatingly painful, but still...I hope in the long run, it will help. Time will tell.
So that's it for now, and again - there has been so much going on in my life, in my head...and all I can do is pray that I get the latter screwed back on (lefty loosey...righty tighty...)in a righty tighty manner. Right now, it's wavering in between the two.
Happy Wednesday friends.