Saturday, May 10, 2008

With a capital H

We went out and celebrated the fact that the whole dealership deal is behind us, and I think I may have taken my celebrating to a whole new high - in fact, I was just that. UGH. I apparently drank a little too much, and this morning, I suffered like I haven't in years. YEARS, I tell you. I am so much smarter than that. Or at least, I thought I was. I don't remember drinking all that much to be honest with you. No more than any other Friday night on the town, but it really hit me hard. Maybe because it has been so long since I have been out...but anyway, lesson learned, AGAIN.

So the day was already off to a bad start, and sort of went down hill from there. I had to get up, get my brains functioning, and get to the bank. I had to deposit all of Bill's funds from the sale of the property and the business, and they had to go into different, varying accounts. I had to write checks, HUGE checks, the kind that you can't get all the words onto the line....you know. Where your are SQUEEZING in the 96/100. And since I am not accustomed to writing checks of that caliber, it was a little nerve wracking. Then I had to deliver the written checks to Bill. Then, finally back home to lay my sick stomach and pounding head back down for an hour or so. I felt a little better after that, and I could at least carry on with my day. Which then included shopping, oh joy, and a visit with my mom. She was, at least, looking way better than she has in a very long time, and I enjoyed the time I got to be with her very much. It was the official Mother's Day visit, as tomorrow, I will be on the road for a good part of the day.

Now, we just got home, I have packed nothing, NOTHING. And I can't. I am going to lay down and gather it all tomorrow, it is just going to have to wait. This week has been one of the hardest in recent memory, and I can't even say why. So much to do, no time to do it. But I can say that all of the waiting and worrying about the sale of business is behind me, and Bill actually looks happy again.

I have begun my quest to give up the cigarettes. I am struggling, and I can't even officially say that I have quit yet, although I have only had a tiny few...I have got to win this fight, but I already know its' going to be an uphill battle all the way. I am so tired of smoking, I'm tired of the smell, the cost, the ashtrays...mostly I'm tired of being chained to it. And I have got to give it up. Why, when I started, all those eons ago, did no one tell me that it would be like this? Would I have listened? Back then, everyone did it. No one said not to, that it was bad for you, or even unhealthy. Common sense has always told me it was, but the addiction is so strong. I'm hooked, with a capital H. Wish me luck, I'm sure I'm going to need it.

Have a happy weekend. :)

8 comments:

ac said...

Ed quit smoking about 10 years before his death. It was difficult but he did it. I believe you can do it too. They have a brand new drug that helps A LOT. Ask for it. Good luck sweetie! ac

SOUL: said...

wow-- what a day for you-- and i know it was a rough week.

good to hear you enjoyed your visit with your mom today--and especially that she is doing better. that will make your trip out of town easier for you , i think.

and ummm... i can't remember anything else-- soulkid has the music blasting me from behind--and the tv is comin at me from the front-- i can't think.

ttyl
ox

Cheryl said...

One door closes, another one opens. I'm glad that the dealership is behind you.

Quitting smoking is one of the things I'm most proud of. I never thought I could do it, and the mere thought of quitting would make me smoke even more. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Use pills or the patch to help you. They're a good crutch, a bridge to get you from one side to the other. It takes so much willpower, but it is totally possible. I never thought I'd ever see a day go by that I didn't miss it, but I don't. I would never ever smoke again, and for me that means I couldn't even have one puff. What a great feeling it is to have that monkey off my back forever, and not to miss it. Good luck Jamie. You can do it...one day at a time.

Brad said...

Wanna buddy up ? I've been thinking seriously about this lately. I've got a full bottle of chantrix from when Jay quit. we could form a support group and try & rope Soul in. ???

JYankee said...

the smoking... hmmm.... well...good luck..i can'T say much about that... papa bean smokes..and it's the ONE thing he enjoys...so I really can'T harp on people about that...the drinking? well we ALL need that once in awhile... hoe the rest of your weekend is better!

SOUL: said...

brad you crack me up-- i'm a toughie when it comes to smoing.. and i feel the same as jamie on this one--

but hey - it can be done.
the want to quit needs to be stronger than the hold of the addiction-- and that is hard.
but jamie-- i think you can do this-- just remember timing is everything. you may need to wait for calmer waters-- but you're well on your way! you obviously have LOTSA support here. don't give up the fight k.

anyhow-- i hope you travel safe and you better let me know when you get there-- k?
"you know how i worry"
:))

oxox

ps-- get UP

Foster Communications said...

I'm glad to hear you're going to try to quit smoking. I can't imagine how difficult it is. But I'll tell you this. I'm not celebrating Mother's Day today. That holiday was stolen from me by cigarettes. My mom started, like you said, when no one said anything was bad with it. Everyone did it. But she never stopped smoking. Smoking and the effects of smoking killed my mom, left her choking for breath, dying in a hospital bed 3 days after her 67th birthday. You can have a better fate.

Portia said...

Good luck!!