Monday, October 01, 2007

More of the Interview

Because at least for the time being, I cannot walk and am sitting here at my computer fuming...I may as well work on my "assignment" from Josie.....and there is nothing wrong with my fingers at the moment, they work---well, other then the fact that my fingernails are waaay too long. So, onward:

3. You and I have travelled some rough roads in our adult lives, seeming to have learn most things the hard way. Life doesn't come with an "undo" button, but if it did, what one moment in time (other than the one you wrote about regarding your daughter) would you go back and handle differently?

I had to think about this one for quite some time, I am afraid. Partly because there were several things I would have chosen to do differently. In the end however, the reason I "chose" this "mistake" was that I can still see NO good that came out of the decisions made at that time. I also don't feel that there was any REAL harm done to anyone other than me, but had I not made this choice, my life would have been infinitely easier and better.

Immediately following the separation from my first husband, my kids father, I started "seeing" my boss. Yes, I am smarter than that. He was seventeen years older than me, and quite a goofball. I was a car salesman/finance manager and he was the owner...or car dealer. I didn't think he was an idiot then, and I really did learn alot from him business wise, but good heavens, he set me back in life light years. Seriously. He repeatedly broke my heart. Looking back, it is hard for me to understand that I cared about him to the extent that I did. I have NO idea why I did. Seriously, he was goofy. But there was something in him that brought out the mother in me. He drank. Never around me, but he drank alot. So I didn't see him alot. And there was another woman in his life that I didn't know about or refused to see at that matter what he did, it was okay. It wasn't the money he had, because, I never saw any. But I just refused to "lose". And I tried to win that situation for more than eighteen months. In fact, he was alot of the reason why I feel so responsible for the mess my daughter was in that I wrote of previously. All of my attention went to him, or to the lack of him in my life. He hurt me over and over, because I let him. After my daughter and I had our troubles, that was the end of it. I realized that I had been a fool, and there was no more. But when I look back at that part of my life, I cannot believe that i was so stupid. In all of the "situations" of my life, I can look back and see a reason, or at least see some good that came out of the ruins. In this one however, there is none. It was just a stupid, stupid thing on my part, that left me empty for quite awhile. But once I was over it, I was over it.

4. What is your astrological sign? How do you see yourself fitting or not fitting the traits usually associated with this sign?

I am a Pisces. And for the most part, I am a true Pisces. I haven't looked into this for quite a while, so it's hard for me to remember the "traditional" aspects of my sign, but it seems that that one of them is that Pisces are emotional and I used to be very emotional. I am now just old and I try not to let myself get that way to often or at the very least, I don't show it, but that is correct. And talents, and I used to be able to sing very, very well....but not anymore, too many cigarettes, and if you don't use it you lose it, you know. And I am psychic, about a lot of things, and I don't like that part, but I know that is a Pisces trait as well.

I will save the last question for a later post. Now I need to try and decide what the hell I am going to do about today...not that i have much decision to make, I still cannot walk. Dammit. I am just hoping that the strength in that leg comes back in a little while. Have a good day. Later.


Amanda said...

It kind of spooked me to read about this guy, because I know one just like him. Yes, a car dealer too. So I can definitely understand the appeal he had, and I deeply understand why it feels like no good came out of that situation. I had a couple of those in my took a long time to see beyond the pain/shame/anger.

Then I realized that every woman goes through such a scenario at least once in her lifetime. Only a chosen few ever learn anything from it. I like to think that I did. And it certainly sounds like you did...That's all what matters.

Gypsy said...

Geez I saw a flash of myself in this post. The part about your boss and how you just refused to lose. I think that is what I have been doing and that need to never fail has often steered me wrong.

I am also a Pisces, in every sense of the written word. No wonder you are such a strong, determined lady and a nice one too.....:)

Hope your leg recovers soon, that sounds terrible.

Josie Two Shoes said...

Wow! I read your post, then I read Amanda's comment and Gypsy's comment, and I am thinking to myself - this is me too - relationships exactly like that - where there was nothing to win and everything to lose, and I just couldn't let go. I never realized until right now that this is such a common phenomena. Lord, why don't we get a handbook when we're born, on being a woman - and how to take care of ourselves better?? What I loved about your story Jamie, is when it came down to the bottom line, there was no question in your mind what your priorities were, and what you had to do. That shows the real strength of your character, and how much you love your children.

A Piscies! So was my Mom! I didn't realize that there was a psychic factor with Pisciens, but I believe it! That explains so much with my mom, and those calls I used to get... "I know you are going thru something..." Wonderful insight, Jamie! Emotions are a good thing, I'm a mess of them, I think as we get a bit older we just learn how to even them out a little and don't let ourselves run away with them so often. And by the way.. you are NOT OLD!!! I'm sure some days, like today, you feel about a hundred - but you are in truth so young yet, lady, we just gotta get you feeling better so you can enjoy it! The good years are yet to come. :-)

ac said...

Thanks for stopping by my place and saying nice things. Take good care of yourself. ac

abbagirl74 said...

I am a Pisces too! It's funny because I could sing very well once upon a time and I also have some psychic abilities as well. These scare the shit out of me. Like the time I had a dream about my grandfather having cancer and then two days later, he calls and tells us he does. I have also had dreams of other family members falling ill and have it happen. Once, I had a feeling about a phone call and who was on the other end, someone who I had not talked to in ages. It's crazy, I tell you!

Portia said...

sometimes it is hard to find the good that comes from our mistakes, no matter what "they" say. we all have them. i hope the pain eases up some! take care of yourself!!

Maria said...

I'm sitting here shaking my head in wonder because I read your post and thought to myself that I understood EXACTLY what you were saying and then I read the responses and see that so many of us have walked that road.

For me, it was a woman who literally EVERYONE warned me about, that she was sneaky, mean spirited and simply a bad person in general. I was so done in by her wit (my biggest weakness) that I went for a very long time idealizing her until she finally showed her true colors and I realized that everyone had been right to warn me. She was a total loser.

SOUL: said...

hiya jamie...

yep.. i guess we've all had "one of these" eh? in one way or another.
we learn something though. may not be significant.. but there's something. nothing is ever a waste.

my daughter is a pisces too. funny, that me and soulman would give birth to a FISH!

hope you feel better today.. if not.. get drunk. ????
oh hell i don't know.

i just came by to say hello.

JYankee said...

yes funny how ALL the commenters on here have had "one of those" experiences...are women just dumb? or do we ALL happen to run along the same circles??? i know what you mean... i think i blogged about it about my adventures to japan... but what matters most is that we ALL came out of it...and we learned from it...