Sunday, September 30, 2007

A little deeper

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! How many times have we heard that on the radio? I always think of it on this day each week....followed by my plans...."SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY....We'll have spaghetti made my Jamie, followed by NASCAR on ABC watched in the luxury of your own home....BE THERE" Yes, I know, I am not quite "right".

Okay, so I have been thinking, and that's not always a good thing for me. But I don't feel that i answered Josie's questions all the way. Yes, I answered them, but not the the extent that I would have wanted answers, had I asked the questions. So, I will try and go a little deeper here.

1. I told you that i felt that I have always had to fight to have respect and to be taken seriously, but I did not say why. Frankly, I don't know why. I thought about that all day yesterday, and i came to the realization that most people DON'T feel that way. Most of us already feel that they have respect and understanding. I suppose I was not respected or understood or taken seriously as a child, but were any children of my generation? I was a FAT kid. I was the only one in my family with a weight problem. Perhaps these feelings are rooted in that. I would say they probably are. I really am not one to think too much about the why, I tend to think about the now, and the solution. I also believe that if we don't like something about ourselves or something around us, then we should change it. Not sit around and analyze the why. So, maybe that is why i am not sure of the "why". I do know that if you told me that i could NOT do (accomplish) something as a child, then I would set out to prove you wrong. I am still that way. If you are my friend and you don't want me to do something,then you learn right away NOT to tell me in a way that challenges me. H learned that rather quickly. Now he doesn't tell me either way what or what not to do. It isn't necessary. I always (almost) do what's right for the situation. But if he takes the time or effort or is just plain stupid and says what he doesn't think I SHOULD do, then I will do it. Why? Once again, I don't know. The way I am wired, I guess. Over the years growing up, on the occasions that I would see my father, he would always lay one of those on me. "You could never do that. You aren't strong enough...mature enough....old enough....and every time, I could. Now I know that he knew how I was, and I also assume he was the same way, so he was only being the puppet master, and i was the puppet. Back then, I didn't understand that. So yes, I feel compelled to fight for everything in my life. Giving in is not in my make-up. Others have learned that and have taken advantage but only to the degree that I have let them, I am not stupid. I put myself in a man-only profession and held my own very, very well. Yes, I have had to fight. All the way, all the time. But I am no longer am unsure of myself. I know what I am doing. It would have been easier certainly, to have chosen another job. But, look at what I would have missed out on. :)

2. Josie asked about the WHY on the love for dogs. I didn't answer that one either, and it took some thought. I really did figure that one out very quickly. My childhood was so extreme. The animals were the only thing that always loved me. No matter what. No matter how fat I was. No matter how much yelling or silence was going on at the time. Plus, I felt i had to protect them...the animals. And I did. And yes, were right. My mother did give away King only to hurt my dad. It was part of her plan. She laughs about it to this day. I don't like that streak in her, no matter what, I didn't inherit that degree of ugliness from her. It wasn't and still isn't pretty. :0

I know this is probably over the top in answering, but when I looked back at the answers, I didn't think I had done a very good job, so there is the rest of the story, so to speak. I will answer the rest very soon.

I hope that each of you that drop by have a great Sunday. I plan to! Out.


SOUL: said...

mornin jamie...
you are quite a gal. you know that.
you didnt have to explain... but yas know... i bet you felt like i did as i was washin my dishes... oh crap! i should elaborate..or whatever.
anyhow.... so much of what you talk about in each of these questions are SO like me.
a girl aircraft mech in the damn navy....pahleeze. talk about fighting for respect etc. they treated me like dog crap.... that is where i hurt my back..they pushed me beyond the physical limits of any woman. i don't care what people say.. men were built stronger for a reason...and in the PHYSICAL realm..women are weaker. by nature... but mentally... like it or not.. we got men by the balls!
yep.. i saw that in the king story immediately. i know you love your moom. but i had a mom who lived a teriibly vindictive and cruel life.. towards everyone. thats stuff for my own blog. but i do understand so much of where why and how you are...
and i love every bit of you!
enjoy your day off.. and rest those legs!!!!

JYankee said...

yeah you are quite something to be having to explain your answers over again..but yeah... i understand where you are coming from...i think i might be similar..though i havent had to go through such extreme situations as you...but coming over here to Japan... learning everything from scratch...till I am where I am today... maybe it is those little points that you, soul, and i have in common. we dont give up... have a good sun... im already on my mon *sigh*

abbagirl74 said...

Good morning. Here's to a great Sunday of racing and football!

Josie Two Shoes said...

Dearest Jamie, I was delighted to finally drag my butt out of bed this morning right about now, and plop down here in the 'puter chair to find that you have put even more work into your answers. This is WONDERFUL! It is like the frosting on the cake of yesterday's story. And I do understand even better now. Obviously, I can relate well to being the one fat kid in the family - and the fat kid gets no respect. Been there. Rather than letting that defeat you, you turned it into a positive by setting out to prove to them - and more importantly - to yourself, that you could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you made up your mind to. No one was gonna stop you, BRAVO, Jamie!! LOL at the reverse psychology thing of also doing what you are told not to or you can't. That sounds a little bit like me too, so we learn the hard way that sometimes that isn't the best idea! :-) But I think you turned out just amazingly!

It is easy to understand why, growing up with such a turbulant homelife, you would turn to the animals for your comfort and security. Thus they became far more than just pet - more like siblings and protectors I'm sure. And yes, I can also remember scrambling to gather and protect dogs shaking in fear because dad was scaring the hell out of everyone! The King story hurt my heart to. The stupid, stupid things parents sometimes do. While she may have been trying to hurt your father, she hurt you far more. It WAS senseless and mean. It just shows the lack of compassion that was going on, and why you have had to deal with life, emotions, and survival very much on your own. I am glad that you have retained this love for animals - I only wish God would have made them with life spans to match ours! But I guess this way we do get to love more of them along the way, and each one is special in their own right - and perfect for our life at that time.

I wish I had another word besides "amazing", but that IS what always comes to mind when I think of you. Not just a survivor, but an in incredible success - you do manage to "fix it" and keep everyone in your family taken care of, and now I understand why that is so important to you. I hope when you finally reach those "old age" years, your children will be there to return the love and see that you are always taken care of so tenderly and completely. You deserve it!

Amanda said...

I'm loving your interview so far Jamie. Can't wait for the rest of it. Your answers reminded me of the quote: "Women are like tea. You don't know how strong they are until they get into hot water."

Hope you're having a good day.

Maria said...

Wow. There is always a deeper answer for every question asked, isn't there? Can't get around it.

I think it is great that you are the dig-in-your-heels type. I wish that I were more like that, Jamie. I admire that in a person.

SOUL: said...

who won the race? how was the spaghetti? (and why do i ALWAYS misspell that word?)
hope you had a grand day!
did you?

Gypsy said...

First visit here Jamie - just wanted to check out all the other interviewees answers. You sound like one of life's great survivors and I very much enjoyed reading your answers.

I am a huge dog lover and get enormous comfort from my two little balls of fluff. I will be back to read the rest for sure.