Friday, September 23, 2011

so, that was fun

I survived the ordeal. Barely.

I have to say, it was one of the worst things I have been through in recent memory--and while going through it, I kept saying to myself, I had three babies without medications!---why is this so hard? Let me tell you, it was. What I had were "trigger point injections". Because my insurance won't pay for the nerve injections right now, all they could do is try and ease the pain in the muscles around the spine which are giving me tremendous pain, I might add. So --- "small needle" the doc kept telling me, as if that will make me feel better. But, small needle, eight places marked with a pen for injections in each. Begin at the base of the brain--way up on the neck, a point that hurts me every second of my life, since the surgery on my neck in 2007. Holy Jesus, Holy mother of Jesus, Holy I don't know what else, I was not prepared for that pain. Stick in the needle, dig around a bit, push the plunger full of something supposedly miraculous. Sounds easy. It was not. I cried. Tears ran down my face freely, blood ran down the back of my neck just as freely. Had Mark not been there holding both of my hands as I sat there needing to be still, I could not have made it through even the first one. Of course, once the first one is done, you know what's coming up seven more times. I made it through six, felt like a fool for crying, couldn't take any more. The doc was willing to stop after four but I want so badly for something to help me, and I felt that if I was that far along, I should do the best I could to further it along. Immediately after, my neck really did feel better, so I had hope. But that was the numbness of the steroids injected, and whatever else was in that plunger. Within a few hours, the pain was back along with the pain and trauma and lumps from the ordeal. So, I don't know where that leaves me this morning, other than in worse than usual pain. I am still hoping for the help to kick in, but the doc did indicate that the pain would be lessened immediately, no delayed reaction here. I am guessing it's not going to help. Dammit. He did let me know that even if it did help, it was only an extremely temporary fix for a problem that cannot really be helped at all this way, that we are only treating the symptoms, not the problem. And also that there is no "fix" anyway, and truly, if I have to hear that one more time from a doctor I am going to scream. I know I can't be fixed. I get it. I am still looking for a miracle, though. And those don't come from doctors.

I am tired, I have had zero sleep, less than my usual three hours, even. I am bitchy. I am in pain. Plus, I fell and whacked my head pretty good in what you all call the night, in what I call my never-ending day, but that is another story for later. So, it hurts. And that did not help my neck.

But, it's Friday. I hope I can make it to work today. I'm not sure I have the required "fight" in me this morning. But I will try. I always try.

Happy day.

9 comments:

Summer said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Cheryl said...

*Tears in my eyes* I'm so sorry Jamie. You were so brave during that awful procedure. I'm hoping for a miracle for you too. I'm sending prayers and wishes your way.

Kristy said...

Hoping you some relief from your terrible pain.

On The Road Again said...

Oh Jamie, don't give up yet. Trigger point injections always hurt worse the second day. Dumb Dr. should have told you that. There is still hope you will get some relief later today. But the Dr. did tell it straight when he said it may not help at all, it's a 50/50 thing. I have had them where I was pain free for 6 months, then again I have had them and got zero relief. You were one tough cookie to make it through all of those shots. It seems even worse when you know what it coming. I hate the fact that the insurance company keeps you from getting the treatment that gives you the best shot of getting some relief. Treat yourself gently today my friend.

Coffeypot said...

If it were in my power you would never suffer again. But, since I'm must wonderful, and not magical, I can only say I'm sorry you hurt. But I am so impressed with you that you keep on keeping on through the pain. Hugs, hon!

Noofy said...

Oh Jamie, this is wrong on so many levels. I wish I could take your pain away, no one deserves to suffer like you have, I'm sorry. I will keep you in my prayers, that you will get some rest and the pain will subside for at least awhile. Think about starting a Flexible Spending Account next year, if possible. It might be a possible solution for your lack of insurance coverage.

R. Jacob said...

I am sorry that you had to go through that. No one should have that kind of pain.

Noofy said...

Hey Lady, swinging by check on you, wondering/hoping you're doing okay. I am wishing away your pain and hope this finds you feeling better! :)

Lena said...

oh, Jamie. You sure were brave! I hope you are feeling better now. Prayers and good healing thoughts sent your way....