I have had the best weekend. Family everywhere...completely exhausting, but oh so worth it. My little sis Shell, niece Carli, brother in law Rob. And of course, Janelle, Nick, Brodie and Zach. Jordy and Tegan, and Mark. I spent the whole time trying to do for them. I love to give, I love to see the smiles, I love the happy moments, and if I can create them for all, you can bet I will. I spent a fortune, for which everyone said to stop. I bought them things, things they needed, things they wanted, good food. I wish just even one of them would, could understand. I LOVE to give. Perhaps it IS selfish of me, but the high I feel when I can provide something wanted is addicting. Why else on earth have I been put here? I totally understand that it can be difficult to accept things. I totally never mean to make someone feel bad by giving, but sometimes that happens. I can often be over the top, but oh hell, it's never meant that way. I truly believe that is why I am here, to help others, to provide happiness and smiles. Yes, I know that can be accomplished with love and words and action and I do all of that, too. But I love to give things. I will take anything I have and give it, if it is wanted. Money is a wonderful thing, but so not important to me, until I have none...which I get is why others worry. But I believe that God intends me to give what I have. I remember a quote somewhere in the bible (good christian that I am, I have no idea where or to whom and I'll probably get it wrong) but I do remember something about being required to give, although to give to those you already love is not really giving...so I do give to strangers frequently, and anonymously, but my true love is seeing the smiles that my doing provides. So, I had fun. I sincerely hope that eventually they will understand me, and not feel bad when I do it. I try so hard not to make it like my GREEN TOWEL lesson, but I'll bet that sometimes I fail that way, too. The green towel lesson, and that is what, you ask?
Once, when my youngest child was probably about fourteen or so, a remark was made by him that he knew that this day was going to be a great day, and I of course asked him why. He replied that anytime he got to use the "GREEN TOWEL" after his morning shower, the day was always just awesome. Me, being the stupid mom that I have often been, went out and purchased a linen closet full of towels, all green, just like the lucky towel. He was surprised and appreciative but later told me that every day cannot be great, that the great-ness comes from the luck of the draw, elation combined will the mundane, and of course, life cannot work that way. That story, totally true, describes me and my entire life, in one little paragraph. My wish for all that I love to have the best, be the happiest, and every moment the most special. I learned so much that day, although I still try so very hard to make everything so happy. One day, I will not be here, and I want so very much to be remembered with happiness, with love, my legacy....to provide the smiles. That is not such a bad goal, is it?