Wednesday, January 02, 2013

2012

My resolution for this year is being a way better blogger and blog friend. I have been really bad about writing, even reading. When I am sick, I want the world to go away and leave me alone to die. That doesn't work when I am ALWAYS sick. I cannot continue to be so silent in writing and just as bad in reading. I want you all to know that I truly have missed you. I have missed the feeling of being a part of something, and even though I know/knew that I wanted to write, I just couldn't. How often do you all want to hear me say how bad I feel, how sick I am, how very wrong all of it is? I couldn't/can't believe that you all wouldn't leave my page thinking "enough already". For that reason, among others that I have already explained, I gave it up. But I missed it. I missed all of my friends here. So, in this new year (where did '12 go, really?), I will do better. Pinky swear.

2012 was a bit of a blur for me. A pain-and-pain-drugs kind of blur. There were some high points but most of it was on an even keel---or bad. There was some bad.To put it all in a nutshell -- (why would anyone put a story in a nutshell?) just wondering.  But anyway:

Spinal Stimulator. Painful surgery, even though done on an outpatient basis. Infection at the incision cite, of course. Helped my leg pain alot back then. This was my doctor - he put the stimulator in, I had been seeing him for more than a year-- my sis more than fifteen years. I trusted him and loved him as a doctor. The story made national news, you probably heard about it. It's wrong. He's being used now as an example and this case will set a precedent. It's just all wrong. If a doctor goes to prison for manslaughter of any kind, I think that doctors in general will be forced to treat their patients differently. Just my humble opinion. so most of the year, jumping around between pain doctors that were trying to fill in for my doc. Not fun and it was not good for me at all. Let me just say that in general, I hate doctors. However, you would never know that from the way I act when I see one. Blenheim.  Then, once I had the stimulator in place, it was time to give some thought as to why my legs -- mostly the left -- were swollen all the time.  Doctor after doctor and test after test, no one knew why. Eventually, my left leg looked like a melon at the knee, the rest of my leg as huge as my skin would stretch, as hard as a rock. Very painful. In the midst of all of that, I was sitting in my bedroom one Saturday night in the summer -- suddenly no movement of my left hand. I could move my hand down a little but not up. I couldn't hold onto anything, there was nothing I could do with it. I hurried to my neurologist, he knew immediately that it was brachial plexopathy.. Unknown causes but I knew that I had recently injured my upper shoulder where the brachial nerves are, one of my medications causes me to fall when the dosage is being changed, and that was what had happened.It also could be because I just have nerve issues, that's what causes most of my pain in my legs. Either way, the sensation of telling your hand and arm to do something only to find that it can't is quite strange. In a bad way. High dosages of steroids corrected that problem, eventually. It also took the swelling down in my legs. I had skinny legs again! Only to wake up one morning right after to find that my lower abdomen had swallowed a watermelon! No kidding -- I looked seven months pregnant, overnight! I still have that problem, and it seems to not respond to regular dieting. This fact alone is about to drive me over the edge. The leg swelling came right back, too, as soon as I quit taking the steroids. Now they have decided that I have lymphedema, Something else that I have to live with. It is causing swelling in my left leg -- that's the one that hurts so, so bad, somewhat in my right leg, and lower abdomen. I am seeing an extremely skilled physical therapist for it next week. I have read that they do manual compression to get the fluid out. Just great, effing wonderful.Personally, I had a good year --- both of my grandsons are awesome, and there is another boy on the way! I think she was secretly hoping for a girl this time, I know I was, but a boy will be just fine. One thing is for sure -- my daughter and husband know how to make beautiful, smart babies. I have an engaged son, that just took place, too. I am so happy for my kids, they mean the world to me. I would give anything though to be able to be the kind of grandma that I want to be. I cannot do much with them, but they love me. I still hold out hope that one day I will be able to do it all, pain free-even.. Someday.

So - this has been my life the past year. I am hoping there is a lot less medical in 2013. Not looking good so far, but it's way early.

Thanks for reading this - I know it's long.  Have an awesome day.  ;)


10 comments:

Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that I love you!

Juli said...

Holy cow. Well, all I can say is that although you may have wanted to shut the world out, sometimes it's good to let a few people in. The blog o' sphere is a great way to do that, especially since you can delete any comment you don't like. :)

(((HUGS)))

Angela Felsted said...

We have the same goal! It sounds like you've had quite the year. (((hugs)))

Josie Two Shoes said...

Yay! It's Jamie checking in!! Praying for blessings in the new year for you! Please do tell us what's going on and how you're feeling, never worry about that, we are good listeners and prayer warriors, and we care about you! This is a safe place to vent, you have to do that or you will surely explode all over the place... and that would be messy! :-) I have missed you soooo much and am glad you are planning to be back among us. Take care and keep warm. You are loved!

Coffeypot said...

You have been put through the ringer, hon. Sorry! I had a thought, because I watch late night TV, have you checked out the Dragon Speak? All you do is talk and it changes to written messages. Then you can send it to your blog. It might beat the typing thing...or cut it down to a few strokes.

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

Hold on and hang in there m/f.
(((hugs)))Pat

Cheryl said...

I never got tired of listening. You have such fortitude! Too bad you need it, thank goodness you have it.

Annabel said...

Hope 2013 is a better year for you.

Leann said...

It sucks about your Doctor. I knows how difficult it is to find good ones, especially when you are bouncing from one to the other.

I hope 2013 is a joyous and much better year for you!

I never get tired of reading your blog.....ever :0)

azjuleseleven said...

WOW.I think of you so often because of your fighting spirit. I'm glad you shared your story but am devestated by the size of the challanges you've been given !!

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